A little of this and a bit more

Alan Crawford presents twisted short and some longer stories for adults, with quite a number of his rants and observations as well.

Several curious people, really it’s just one, asked me how or where the ideas came from. Thankfully there’s no clear answer. When the trousers, mind, or weather conditions suit such things, the computer opens, a page appears, and it starts to flow. See menu for the main Short Stories.


Alan Crawford Resume

Reading Time: 2 minutes

Alan Crawford

Email: me at alancrawford dot com dot au

Mail: Apartment 2204

The Big House 

Star City, Sharpston,

Australia, 4200


Alan Crawford has the temperament of a young fawn grazing in the savanna. Soft to touch, but on a knife’s edge while expecting prey to pounce. He hopes to provide his services while being alert, on peak, on time and on side while being happy to serve. If you seek an employee to meld into your work culture you’ll find him able to change into what ever you need. He has goals and would like to achieve them.


Mumbles Voice Over Studio — March  2018 – Present

Alan is serving as the studio talent coordinator / assistant. Duties include retrieving refreshments, food, substances (solid and liquid) both legal and illegal to all that required such things. His greatest achievement to date has been to clean and restore the studio to its former glory after the famous collaboration recording of the famous Christmas song, “Fuck off, it’s Christmas”.

The attendees made such a mess that has taken Alan three weeks to clean and disinfect the studio, reception, the photocopier and the bathrooms. Mumbles provided Alan with an award for his dedication.

Ralph’s Auto Shop – 1977 – March 2018

Note to potential employer. Alan left school with an enthusiastic willingness to succeed in business and secured a position in Ralph’s Auto Shop following a two year break after leaving school. The social workers were pleased to recommend him to Ralph and pleased that they did. Alan had been building confidence and a view of the world that high school failed to achieve.

His case worker suggested Ralph’s has he supported prison reform although he wasn’t renown for complying with wage and compensation obligations, he treated his charges reasonably well. Well enough for the Social Services Department at least.


Crisis High School – 1971 – 1975

Note to potential employer. Alan did not suit formalised education. His passion was for drumming on desks. He would be rewarded for passing critical milestones, exams, attendance, personal grooming standards etc. with vouchers for Star City Music and he gathered quite a supply of drums, bongo, kits, and various percussion instruments. His education qualifications should be considered irrelevant.


Note to potential employer. I have created this resume to assist Alan Crawford in pursuing his dream of music production, software design and AI. I will however tell you that he has no computer skills, coding or otherwise. Indeed he asked me to create this resume because has no computer and would struggle to read it let alone write it on it.

His passion for music is legendary and his willingness to please, although sometimes worrisome, is also to be commended. He has not been diagnosed with any known medical conditions that might cause his afflictions but he may well be described as meeting many, if not all, such conditions.

Please hesitate to contact me directly if you would like to discuss issues or concerns raised in this resume. With some hesitation I recommend Alan to you, but please understand his next employer should be able to develop his unique set of skills and benefit from them.

Robert Arthurson.

29 December 2020

 | Website

I'm an increasingly grumpy old fart posting rants, observations and trying to write somewhat twisted short and slightly longer stories for adults. All rights reserved unless otherwise credited © Alan Crawford - 2024

You might be interested in …


Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Would love your thoughts, please comment.x