An incredible thing occurred


An incredible thing occurred. While watching, listening, in some way absorbing the TV news whilst doing other things, Simon had an idea. It developed while he looked out over the balcony to see how far he could see. He listened to hear how much he could hear and reached out to feel how much he could feel. 

It was a very strange range of sights, sounds and feelings for Simon, he’d also watched a furious stream of memes on Facebook and was greatly disturbed. The main focus of his disturbance was the frightening possibility that he was wrong. 

Fuck no he thought … “How can I be wrong when I’ve been right all my life?”

There was no reply to this sparkling revelation, there was no-one there. The TV didn’t speak back. His Samsung S9’s Bixby tried no mater how hard he tried to get rid of it. His computer didn’t, his washing machine likewise. The only thing that did try to communicate was 1 the Zebra Finch who when the mood took her, screeched and squealed at him. He didn’t understand Finch.

But of course he wasn’t wrong, he was right all along.

What he did understand was the choice he was to make. He was going to realign is opinions. He was going to grasp a Christian Faith, as that seemed to have the potential for the highest growth at the moment despite its recent decline. Adopt a posture in Ultra Conservative Politics, radicalise while reversing his previously tolerant views and fight back against those he would have previously stood up for. He had no qualifications or credibility in these things but that didn’t seem to stop those he saw on TV and in Facebook news stories. 

He would set up a Mega Church, registering the name: “The Crusade” He’d become a non profit, write a new manifesto. 

Not one that he’d done before, no this would be a diametrically altered reality manifesto with Christian, Ultra Conservative moral, social and political views. It would be sucked in like air for a drowning man.

It would be a hit, it would make so much money, spread so much bile that in his previous life and way of thinking, considered to be obscene.

He find a dizzy blonde to pretend to care and be happy with 25% commission. She’d be the fill in and the gloss next to the decrepit old bugger that Simon had become. She’d have had work done, bigger breasts (well restrained, yet present) adjusted eye brows, lips, ears, nose and mouth. She’d need to be well spoken but in a terribly annoying Southern American accent. 

This package is designed to terrify, annoy and taunt the nasty self righteous lefty atheists. She’d become and by default all at “The Crusade”, would be considered to be victims and worthy of moral and financial support from the worlds most gullible.

Simon would remain well spoken, keenly groomed, dressed and sober. No drunkenness, no male prostitutes in motel rooms, no orgies with 24 other well tanned young folks. No, none of that.

He would become a beacon of Godliness, speak in tongues and provide guidance to those straying off the path. He’d also book the bands that play at the Church 9 times a week. Tithing would become his soul purpose in life, while saving their souls.

His fortune would be guaranteed, so in 5 years he’d return to a platform of common decency, with a clear understanding of basic scientific conclusions. He’d invite his fellow humans of all genders to share the planet and his money would begin to save.

Environment, Education, Health Care, just the main ticket items that his life as a corrupt, manipulative, conservative, evangelist scumbag would work against.

The world has a chance, if only it got another one.