A little of this and a bit more

Alan Crawford presents twisted short and some longer stories for adults, with quite a number of his rants and observations as well.

Several curious people, really it’s just one, asked me how or where the ideas came from. Thankfully there’s no clear answer. When the trousers, mind, or weather conditions suit such things, the computer opens, a page appears, and it starts to flow. All designed to promote my nonsense, which may be adult in nature but not necessarily mature.

My groin Hurts

Reading Time: 3 minutesToday I’ve realised just how much I’m suffering for my art – ? tbaoo I mean, I’ve twisted, sprained or pinched a nerve, not just in those that I take the piss out of, but it’s my right leg. Just at my groin and buttocks, they’re very close if you have a look now, just look down and then twist about, hang on that might be how I did it. Queensland Health is in all sorts of mess due to a new pay system, but I only have compliments for the people I met at Robina Hospital’s accident and emergency department today.

It started today when I took my bride to the airport, and waited an extraordinarily long time to get her checked in because a batch of young fellows with amazingly heavy bags and stupid hats dominated the whole place, and as English wasn’t their native tongue, it was a shemozzle – ok, lesson learnt, pay real money, maybe a few hundred more, get online check in, with quick and professional staff at every point.

I’ll await the brides report when she calls, after the 300 hour flight from Australia to Heathrow. So any-who, bye dear, then bingo – what the fuck is this as I sit down into my seat on the train home.

Those who have given birth or those who have gout, I’ve the later, will know the pain, it shot down my right leg and stayed there, all everywhere there .. every bloody part of my leg, groin and bum. I was so close to collapsing, turning blue, grabbing my yet unaffected private parts and crying for help. This newly acquired feeling was made even worse because I had an 1 & half hour train ride to go. No-one gave a shit, cared or looked at me, maybe they did and then looked away. There was a weirdo trying to spook some young girls, but that’s for another post at another time.

Now you might be thinking – what did I do ? Well I just sat there in agony, trying to find the position that would relieve such pain, that’s just before the weirdo struck, alas no luck, although it did calm down enough for me to stop screaming. The ride was pretty uneventful after that and I finally made it to my destination – Robina.

Now here’s the rub I never go to Doctors, they just farm out referrals and make ridiculous assessment without looking, touching or diagnosing anything, that’s what I say anyway. Well, this time no excuse, I arrived at the station which is directly across the road from an enormous building, a hospital actually, nearing its $900 million expansion. It’s full of doctors, drugs and sympathy and I thought there’s an opportunity, go in and see what they say.

All silliness aside, they were tremendous, helpful, quick “YES”, quick and I got drugs, a bit of a diagnosis, confirming mine in fact, and then they sent me on my way. One thing did strike me as odd, a helpful triage nurse asked without warning of what she spoke, is the colour alright?

I could not fathom that one out so I asked for clarification and discovered after some embarrassment on her behalf she meant, my genital area, was the colour all alright? This wasn’t a line reflecting my choice of smooth attire, no it was a regular health type question asked of patients with sore legs ?

I’m now home, calm, coloured correctly, yes I checked a few too many times, smooth garments removed, typing madly and feeling no pain as the drugs are really great, tennis anyone? Byo balls.

Website | + posts

I'm an increasingly grumpy old fart posting rants, observations and trying to write somewhat twisted short and slightly longer stories for adults. All rights reserved unless otherwise credited © Alan Crawford - 2024

You might be interested in …

Notify of

Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
10/08/2010 11:24

Well, I'm a bit behind on my reading so have only just read your news. I hope that by now you are starting to feel much better!

Tina Brown
Tina Brown
08/08/2010 12:58

Sorry to hear of your plight. Those tablets sound great and work really quick, can i have some???????

08/08/2010 05:10

i'm continually amazed at the ad sense – google ad placement, look at the sore back, muscle relief type ads appearing already. synergy, great ain't it.

Would love your thoughts, please comment.x