Reading Time: 3 minutesI’ve just spent a nice hour or so watching my Foxtel IQ recorded programs, Gruen nation, QI and the Chasers’s yes We Canberra. I’ve sat down after mowing the grass in the backyard. This disturbingly infrequent exercise routine often gives time to think, as it takes so freak’n long, not the height of the grass, but the time. So here’s my 2010 manifesto.
I’m going to nominate myself as a candidate for the house of representatives in the next federal election. The television I enjoy watching has a certain smugness, intellectual integrity, and I kind of fancy and I’m kidding myself into believing. I can offer the same smug cleverness, sensible, proud statesman, world view like principles that will help me to gently steer, or drag this great nation into the future, whilst frantically persecuting my humble yet completely ignorant opponents into the ground. Without mercy.
2010 Manifesto – reasons to vote for me.
- I’m humbly asking that you do
- My mother would be so proud
- I need the money, perks and great superannuation
- I would ensure, but not engage in, the right for people to participate in any type of sex that’s between consenting adults. There are some restrictive parameters, but they are common rights of law i.e. no violence, or harm. Of course same sex marriage will be allowed, it maybe called something else, but it will have the same legal rights
- Participate correctly in the UN World Charters to which we are signatories
- Not to confuse or over dramatise, complex issues which result in the public becoming very scarred of anyone or anything that’s not the stereotypical heterosexual Christian, or white Anglo-Saxon origin. Ignorant views expressed by people such as Pauline Hanson and Sarah Palin and the fox news talking heads would not have the weight they seem to have at the moment. People deserve to know the facts, be allowed and encouraged to become educated and thus realise that the standard response in the dumb arsed media to these issues is ridiculous.
- Re-jig the Australian taxation system, a major overhaul to create a smoother, more flexible and thus more cost effective process. This will be very unpopular with some, but it has to be done.
- Quadruple speeding fines and make the penalties a real deterrent – 6 months notice then bring them in. If you’re caught you’re fucked. The police won’t be hiding in bushes looking for people rolling down a hill either, they’ll be driving about in marked “well obvious cars”. the police numbers will be doubled and their pay increased to meet current society standards
- A re-jig of nurses and teachers wage, the idea that such work is lowly paid is a tragedy
- Create safe injecting rooms, professional counselling and a doctor prescription system for drugs that are presently outlawed. The idea that people who require such drugs can go to a doctor and the prescription is given with the agreement that a counselling session is booked and a great deal of support is provided to the people who are registered. Chemists will sell the drugs and of course the sales will attract gst. This sudden legalisation of the sale of drugs, will heavily reduce the ability for organised crime to flourish. The huge number of people fighting drugs and organised crime, can be redirected to other areas. It will also ensure that the drugs sold through chemists, will not contain foreign and thus unknown ingredients
- Make having a laugh – law. Not just a choice, but make it mandatory
- Get rid of the State Government system and kick the Local Government system in the guts to make it more efficient
- Conduct an Australian Science Olympics type every two years, promote education rather than meat head sports
- Help meat head sports at a local level, i.e. children playing sport and learning that sport shouldn’t be a business
- Create an active arts support authority
- Create an active environmental support authority
- Research the population growth, sensibly, without tabloids, or millionaires screaming
- Make sure that every Australian is able to access the worlds best health care at all times
- Make sure that every Australian is able to access the worlds best legal representation at all times
That’s about it, of course as soon as I finish this, I’ll think of something else. If you have something you’d like to add, please leave a comment.
An increasingly grumpy old fart posting rants, observations and trying to write somewhat twisted short stories for adults. All rights reserved unless otherwise credited © Alan Crawford - 2024
thank you brandi 😉
Hey man, I own a website too and I almost never see spam comments on your posts. How do you manage to stop it all? Do you just manually moderate all of it?
well looking at the comments, i don’t do a very good job of stopping this silly spam shit .. although i will chase you all down and congratulate you for having the good taste to bombard tbaoo .. 😉