A little of this and a bit more

Alan Crawford presents twisted short and some longer stories for adults, with quite a number of his rants and observations as well.

Several curious people, really it’s just one, asked me how or where the ideas came from. Thankfully there’s no clear answer. When the trousers, mind, or weather conditions suit such things, the computer opens, a page appears, and it starts to flow. All designed to promote my nonsense, which may be adult in nature but not necessarily mature.

Only a few days to go

Reading Time: 2 minutesIt’s a couple of days before Xmas, well more than a couple, but it seems close. So close the annoyance register has peaked at a rabid fever pitch. What the hoot is the reason for the shops to plaster Xmas decorations in October, broadcast inane and ridiculously inappropriate winter Xmas carols, which in my mind are very clumsy, poorly thought out and are blasting out unnecessarily wherever you go. Well, I have to go, I can’t stand it.

Where can I go ? if you are regular dear reader, you’ll remember a post ( 366 days ago ) about my embarrassing shorts and the Xmas street party in 2010? If they get their collective shit together and want to do it again this year, i’ll have to consider hiding in my house and not going out. Not for a month at least.

It’s not that the neighbours are that bad, it’s just that they are slightly less than interesting. Some of their children are just four feet tall of rowdy chaos and somewhat unruly. I’ve two collections of ankle bitters about the place and I can’t really and clearly identify them here at tbaoo, i.e. who is who or which is which ( in case they have found me online ), but you’ll just have to think that both are as bad as each other. Note. if you are reading this dear parents, please control your rambunctious juveniles.

So Xmas. The local government and news has concluded it’s alarmingly tedious Xmas lights competition and announced a winner. Big truck’n bits. The lucky thing for me is that no-one in our street has fallen ill and participated in this folly. The sad contestants have eye ball piercing lights, above mentioned music and no regard for the peace and tranquility of the affected neighbours.

The local bus company do drive by tours of all the participant’s homes, along with somewhat desperate people who drive their cars and park all over the place, trample the crap out of the neighbour’s lovingly prepared and maintained gardens and shower the solitude of the area with gasps of joy and wonder.

Hell, I’d have to move or just set the front sprinklers on the happy souls. Please go home to your own house, or better still ( and much easier ) go the local major shopping centre and partake in their manipulative commercialisation of the festive season.

But and I stress a big bold butt – I really do hope you and your family enjoy the season and that you celebrate it any way you like, as long as you don’t celebrate it in my street. Good night.

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I'm an increasingly grumpy old fart posting rants, observations and trying to write somewhat twisted short and slightly longer stories for adults. All rights reserved unless otherwise credited © Alan Crawford - 2024

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09/01/2012 15:18

Hope you had a great time and enjoyable holiday season..Thanks for sharing this inspiring post to us..

09/01/2012 18:49
Reply to  Gracie

mmm ? thanks gracie 🙂

Christian Hollingsworth
23/12/2011 09:47

For some reason the merchandise side of Christmas hit me in a very annoying way this year. I just didn’t get into much of the Christmas “spirit” in any shape or form. Yes, I tried to be thankful and give – and I very much enjoy being with family. 🙂

23/12/2011 10:04

i wholeheartedly agree christian.. enjoy the season and time with your family – cheers 🙂

22/12/2011 03:04

My neighbour put lights on their tree next to the road. Bright white lights. That shine in my bedroom window. And keep me awake. Bah humbug! I can’t imagine living next to one of those Clark Griswold types.

22/12/2011 09:01
Reply to  Kara

thank goodness you don’t have the maddening crowds, and all the very best to you and yours kara … 🙂

21/12/2011 15:43

That image on your homepage actually made me jump, its horrible!

My house will be over the top and lit up as of tomorrow, we were late setting up this year!

21/12/2011 16:11
Reply to  Marian

sorry to give you a fright .. bad santa and all that – but good luck with your lights and enjoy the season – cheers

20/12/2011 09:13

Why must people do that to their homes, make an attraction out of them? I don’t get it. Ah well, guess I don’t have to partake if I don’t want too. Sorry you live on such a street. Enjoy your holidays.

21/12/2011 15:41
Reply to  jan

thanks jan and the same to you and your tribe 🙂

Dad Blog Tork
19/12/2011 22:07

merry xmas dude! im counting down the days for all the family stuff to be over 🙂 hehehehe

– tork

20/12/2011 07:53
Reply to  Dad Blog Tork

thanks tork and the same to you – enjoy the time together 😉

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