This eclectic site is now called Alan Crawford which developed from tbaoo Please enjoy my old nonsense and short stories. Rants, lists and observations are in the other section. My new eBook “Three Short Stories” is adult in nature, with gruesome goings on, food safety, naughty business and laughs. Grab your copy from: Smashwords – Amazon KindleKobo – Barnes & Noble

Three Short Stories

“Three Short Stories” 

  • Bloodbath – The Gruesome Murders, deals with a man applying a brutal approach to satisfying his need.
  • A Tale of an EHO (Environmental Health Officer) includes food safety and adult entertainment, reluctantly looking food operators, cult like Church leadership and adult entertainment venue ownership. It’s a complicated tale.
  • Learning to Kill explores how a professional hitman and his family educate their son.

A small number of people, namely one, asked how or where I get the ideas for my stories and I can’t really answer, I don’t really know. When my Alan Crawford trousers, mind or weather conditions suit I’ll sit at the computer and open a blank page. After adjusting myself, which is becoming a real effort, the words simply pour out on the page. Each story often swims in unpleasant situations and even though the content is aimed at a mature audience, it may seem to be immature at times. Some parts of my stories are based on reasonably true events, the rest emerge from my ludicrous imagination and although I seem to write like one, I’m not a serial killer. I’ve landed hard into Twitter and Instagram less so, but both are @acrawfordsaid 

Random Stories

Many questions about life and trouble at work

Bronwyn battled and rattled about the house searching for the answers to life’s questions. She’d given up on searching for the really big ones. Well, not given up exactly she...Read More

Where you bin, where you wheeliebin

Horace was reminded of an old gag, all of his gags were old, where you bin, where you wheeliebin? He was wheeling about his garden. It was reasonably green, layered...Read More

Zebra Finches 1 and 2

We are Zebra Finches named 1 and 2. I’m a hen and so is 2. We both live very comfortably, as best as can be expected, in a reasonably large black...Read More

Watching Alansvale

It can’t be easy, being easy. Loose sexual and illegal matters often lead to situations best left alone, at least the majority let them be. Alansvale was known for being...Read More

Apartment 2204

Alice was trapped in her rented apartment 2204. The world outside is just that, outside, she is inside. The reason? A virus has arrived and despite claims from complete nincompoops...Read More

The Tale of an EHO

So another work week begins Yes, another work week begins as an Environmental Health Officer (EHO), no fucker except an EHO knows exactly what that is though, not even the people I...Read More

Learning to kill

Learning to kill. The ground was soddened with a mixture of water, blood, manure and moss. Robert felt it all between his toes as he stumbled through the field. He’d...Read More

Young lovers looking back

There wasn’t much that could be said. The date had reached its natural conclusion, it wasn’t as either thought it would be. The interrupted coitus spoke volumes about young lovers...Read More

This may be the truth about me

Note from Warren ... he's going to start a personal blog. www.blogofwarren.com. An outpouring of his deepest held beliefs and thoughts. Please consider this a draft of such literary masterpiece'ry....Read More

The Doctor and Ralph

My balls hurt, that could be a wonderful start to the next story. The Doctor wanted to write about a realistic scenario and thought that Ralph's life might be just...Read More

The tale of the Thing that Happened

The tale of the thing that happened, an incredible thing had happened. It wasn’t the first time and wouldn’t be the last. The thing that happened watched from its fourth...Read More

Wendy hooks up plenty

I’m going to change my ways. No more writing cynical, heavily filtered perceptions. No more judgmental nonsense. Wendy thought this would make a great inspirational poster, maybe even an adjustment...Read More

Jerry had a Headache

Jerry had a headache. A very bad headache and he’s had one for what seemed to be months on end. He takes drugs, legal drugs and still struggles to get...Read More

How not to park your car

“Maybe I should just disappear into another part of the world and not be seen again. What do you think Helen? stave off any repercussions, run away, tactful retreat - I...Read More

Allison has a secret and she is thinking on the train

Allison has  secret and she is thinking on the train. With her this morning on the ride home from work was Amanda with whom she shared an overnight shift. Amanda...Read More

Last drinks for the 4

Last drinks for the 4 as there remained 4 desperate men sitting at the bar. The Fat Pigeon pub had shut but they’d been granted a lock-in for no reason...Read More

Robyn the Queen and the Gnomes

Robyn was lovely, not only did she always seem to be thinking lovely thoughts, she actually gave off lovely vibes and wondrously lovely aromas to all those lucky enough to...Read More

Is that for me

The adults only email arrived in Mary’s inbox with a ping. A fucking big ping. In fact, this racy email discussed some rather biological uses for her vagina and mentioned...Read More

Yet more mayhem

Some rude fat pot suggested she was fat. Such a strong blunt grunt of rude. He was just as fat and shaped like a pot. She wasn’t black and was...Read More

Peter likes his pickled peppers

Peter considered how many pickled peppers he had left to pick. Peter liked his pickled peppers. His mate Jack and climbed off and left him there. Some sort of a...Read More