Please enjoy my rather perculiar short stories. My silly old nonsense, rants, lists and observations are found in the other section. A small number of inquisitive people, namely one, asked how or where I get the ideas for my stories. I can’t really answer, as I don’t really know. When my Alan Crawford trousers, mind or weather conditions suit I’ll sit at the computer and open a blank page. 

My new eBook “Three Short Stories” is adult in nature, with gruesome goings on, food safety and some naughty business. Grab a copy from Apple Books – Smashwords – Amazon KindleKobo – Barnes & Noble

Three Short Stories

“Three Short Stories” 

  • Bloodbath – The Gruesome Murders, deals with a man applying a brutal approach to satisfying his need.
  • A Tale of an EHO (Environmental Health Officer) includes food safety and adult entertainment, reluctantly good looking food operators, cult like Church leadership and adult entertainment venue ownership. It’s a complicated tale.
  • Learning to Kill explores how a professional hitman and his family educate their son.

Each story often swims in unpleasant situations and even though the content is aimed at a mature audience, it may seem to be immature at times. Some parts of my stories are based on reasonably true events, the rest emerge from my ludicrous imagination and although I seem to write like one, I’m not a serial killer. I’ve landed hard into Twitter and Instagram less so, but both are @acrawfordsaid

Random Stories

Ron was a master

Ron smirked like a giggling school boy at the wordplay in play with the word Therapist. He was silly enough, observant enough and just enough to see “The Rapist” on the sign. Ron was ordered by the court to attend...Read More

Many questions about life and trouble at work

Bronwyn battled and rattled about the house searching for the answers to life’s questions. She’d given up on searching for the really big ones. Well, not given up exactly she had already accepted and applied an atheist, sceptical, cynical view...Read More

Where you bin, where you wheeliebin

Horace was reminded of an old gag, all of his gags were old, where you bin, where you wheeliebin? He was wheeling about his garden. It was reasonably green, layered with light rain, fallen leaves, a huge number of butterflies...Read More

Zebra Finches 1 and 2

We are Zebra Finches named 1 and 2. I’m a hen and so is 2. We both live very comfortably, as best as can be expected, in a reasonably large black flight cage on a balcony. It offers a limited view...Read More

Watching Alansvale

It can’t be easy, being easy. Loose sexual and illegal matters often lead to situations best left alone, at least the majority let them be. Alansvale was known for being pretty easy, not pretty but easy. The local gossip was...Read More

Apartment 2204

Alice was trapped in her rented apartment 2204. The world outside is just that, outside, she is inside. The reason? A virus has arrived and despite claims from complete nincompoops it is serious and deadly to those that are weaker...Read More

The Tale of an EHO

So another work week begins Yes, another work week begins as an Environmental Health Officer (EHO), no fucker except an EHO knows exactly what that is though, not even the people I work for. “Environmental Health Officer” is the current name for...Read More

Learning to kill

Learning to kill. The ground was soddened with a mixture of water, blood, manure and moss. Robert felt it all between his toes as he stumbled through the field. He’d be on his way to the bathroom if it wasn’t...Read More

Young lovers looking back

There wasn’t much that could be said. The date had reached its natural conclusion, it wasn’t as either thought it would be. The interrupted coitus spoke volumes about young lovers living at home. Not their home but their parents home....Read More

Safia Counting Sheep

A truly wonderful Australian band deserving of your audience, it's Safia Counting Sheep -  

This may be the truth about me

Note from Warren ... he's going to start a personal blog. An outpouring of his deepest held beliefs and thoughts. Please consider this a draft of such literary masterpiece'ry. The first or third person and/or tense may get a...Read More

The Doctor and Ralph

My balls hurt, that could be a wonderful start to the next story. The Doctor wanted to write about a realistic scenario and thought that Ralph's life might be just that. Ralph's latest outburst may be just the thing. He’s...Read More

The tale of the Thing that Happened

The tale of the thing that happened, an incredible thing had happened. It wasn’t the first time and wouldn’t be the last. The thing that happened watched from its fourth eye on the left side. It was the one on...Read More

Wendy hooks up plenty

I’m going to change my ways. No more writing cynical, heavily filtered perceptions. No more judgmental nonsense. Wendy thought this would make a great inspirational poster, maybe even an adjustment to her own life, one that she should apply. The...Read More

Jerry had a Headache

Jerry had a headache. A very bad headache and he’s had one for what seemed to be months on end. He takes drugs, legal drugs and still struggles to get through a day without needing more. So many things he...Read More

How not to park your car

“Maybe I should just disappear into another part of the world and not be seen again. What do you think Helen? stave off any repercussions, run away, tactful retreat - I mean, just piss off and not come back, hide from...Read More

Allison has a secret and she is thinking on the train

Allison has  secret and she is thinking on the train. With her this morning on the ride home from work was Amanda with whom she shared an overnight shift. Amanda was very nice but as dumb as a beach towel...Read More

Last drinks for the 4

Last drinks for the 4 as there remained 4 desperate men sitting at the bar. The Fat Pigeon pub had shut but they’d been granted a lock-in for no reason in particular. The publican Peter, left them nursing their fresh...Read More

Robyn the Queen and the Gnomes

Robyn was lovely, not only did she always seem to be thinking lovely thoughts, she actually gave off lovely vibes and wondrously lovely aromas to all those lucky enough to be near her. Lovely was an overused description in the...Read More

Is that for me

The adults only email arrived in Mary’s inbox with a ping. A fucking big ping. In fact, this racy email discussed some rather biological uses for her vagina and mentioned the phrase “a little something in your inbox” in a...Read More