Short Stories, Rants and Observations 

The short stories are found here and here while the wild rants, lists and observations are found in other. A small number of inquisitive people, (namely one), asked how or where the ideas come from. There’s no clear answer. When the trousers, mind or weather conditions suit, the computer opens a blank page and so it starts to flow. Samples can be accessed via the carousel in the side bar or excerpts from Rob and his Smalls and The Doctor & Ralph are found below.

Three Short Stories

These short stories are somewhat adult in nature, with gruesome goings on, food safety and some naughty business. From Apple Books – Smashwords – Amazon Kindle – Kobo – Barnes & Noble

  • Bloodbath – The Gruesome Murders  a man applying a brutal approach to satisfying his needs.
  • Learning to Kill explores how a professional hitman and his family educate their son.
  • Tale of an EHO (Environmental Health Officer), includes food safety and adult entertainment. With reluctantly good looking food operators, cult like Church leadership and adult entertainment venue ownership. It’s a complicated tale.

While each short story may swim within unpleasant situations, all of the tasty morsels including the rants, lists and observations are aimed at a mature audience. Sadly they may seem to be rather immature at times. Although some of the writings are based on reasonably true events, the rest emerge from a ludicrous imagination and not from a serial killer.

Rob and his Smalls (excerpt)

Rob wandered through the shopping centre’s car park finishing the last fag for a time. This centre, like all other places, had a strict no smoking policy. Ridiculously you couldn’t even smoke in the outdoor car park. You get soaked as they had no shelter, you could get run over as the wangers sped about the laneways and you could get lost if you didn’t pay any attention.

Gb-7663 – green, how the hell can anyone remember a floor, row and space identified like that? Maybe Rob would have better luck today in his search for some well-fitting smalls.

His underwear collection was now providing more holes than required. Embarrassing smalls annoyed Ron. His patient lover was also annoyed, but that was because he always answered the door to her without them. Sometimes he was just plain old buck naked and others, hardly hiding his pleasure at her arrival.

Rob thought about sex often, he wrote about it, dreamt and remembered it a lot. The remembering was a private matter but the dreams were often highlighting very public outbursts of passion. Actions he wished for and created in his slumber. He wore smalls to bed and his lover thought that might be the reason for his inability to keep only three holes in the luxurious undergarments for long.

The Doctor and Ralph

That could be a wonderful start to the next story, Doctor and Ralph. The Doctor wanted to write about a realistic scenario and thought that Ralph’s life might be just that. Ralph’s latest outburst may be just the thing. He’s an ageing man that thinks he’ll survive without applying any care. Ralph was wrong of course.

He applies some cream to his bits but that’s the sum of his good health regimen. That and taking the drugs prescribed for him. He eats anything, drinks like a person who drink a lot and the extent of his exercise is in a minus situation. He exists by a fluke of nature that the Doctor fails to comprehend. The Doctor tries to educate this lump of bad living but it does not seem to work.

The best he can do is to prescribe a range of drugs that keep this blancmange man alive. The drugs work of course but they add nothing in the positive ledger they just kept the negative side from falling further. Doctor and Ralph had an understanding.

So here I am

I’ll try my best to finish the stories I’ve left in limbo and against all sensible advice and recent criticism, find time to write more. The pleasure I find in doing so, far outweighs the ambivalence shown by my keen yet limited audience. I need to share my work further and grab those eyes so desperately measured by the analytic system.

Above all though, please enjoy my Short Stories, Rants and Observations. The Me page presents a reasonably believable explanation of my being, while you can find me on social as @acrawfordsaid