A wild mix of murder, food safety and adult entertainment.

Short Story Samples

Chairman of the Bored

Graham’s life is boring. Despite the frightening fact that the world is hanging on by its many gendered finger nails, in Graham’s house it was as slow as a drawn out bowel movement. He wasn't Chairman of the Bored, according...Read More

A word with Frank

Frank was at it again. He always applied his laser focus on all the goings on and off site. All outside. The mysterious events that caught his eye demanded his full attention. Well as much as could be mustered in...Read More

Mary and Malcolm

“Can you carry that one OK?“ ... Mary asked of her drunken neighbour. Mary had to move, some people were on their way. Mary knew this because she was a police officer with a network of good friends, in and...Read More

An incredible thing occurred

An incredible thing occurred. While watching, listening, in some way absorbing the TV news whilst doing other things, Simon had an idea. It developed while he looked out over the balcony to see how far he could see. He listened to...Read More

Ron was a master

Ron smirked like a giggling school boy at the wordplay in play with the word Therapist. He was silly enough, observant enough and just enough to see “The Rapist” on the sign. Ron was ordered by the court to attend...Read More

Many questions about life

Bronwyn battled and rattled about the house searching for the answers to life’s questions. She’d given up on searching for the really big ones. Well, not given up exactly she had already accepted and applied an atheist, sceptical, cynical view...Read More

Where you bin, where you wheeliebin

Horace was reminded of an old gag, all of his gags were old, where you bin, where you wheeliebin? He was wheeling about his garden. It was reasonably green, layered with light rain, fallen leaves, a huge number of butterflies...Read More

Zebra Finches 1 and 2

We are Zebra Finches named 1 and 2. I’m a hen and so is 2. We both live very comfortably, as best as can be expected, in a reasonably large black flight cage on a balcony. It offers a limited view...Read More

Short Stories, Rants and Observations

The short stories are found here and here while the wild rants, lists and observations are found in other. A small number of inquisitive people, (namely one), asked how or where the ideas come from. There’s no clear answer. When the trousers, mind or weather conditions suit, the computer opens a blank page and so it starts to flow. Samples can be accessed via the carousel in the side bar or an excerpt from Rob and his Smalls can be found below.

Three Short Stories

These short stories are somewhat adult in nature, with gruesome goings on, food safety and some naughty business. Grab a copy from Apple Books – Smashwords – Amazon Kindle – Kobo – Barnes & Noble

Bloodbath – The Gruesome Murders a man applying a brutal approach to satisfying his needs.
Learning to Kill explores how a professional hitman and his family educate their son.
Tale of an EHO (Environmental Health Officer), includes food safety and adult entertainment. With reluctantly good looking food operators, cult like Church leadership and adult entertainment venue ownership. It’s a complicated tale.

While each short story may swim within unpleasant situations, all of the tasty morsels including the rants, lists and observations are aimed at a mature audience. Sadly they may seem to be rather immature at times. Although some of the writings are based on reasonably true events, the rest emerge from a ludicrous imagination and not from a serial killer.

Rob and his Smalls (excerpt)

Rob wandered through the shopping centre’s car park finishing the last fag for a time. This centre, like all other places, had a strict no smoking policy. Ridiculously you couldn’t even smoke in the outdoor car park. You get soaked as they had no shelter, you could get run over as the wangers sped about the laneways and you could get lost if you didn’t pay any attention.

Gb-7663 – green, how the hell can anyone remember a floor, row and space identified like that? Maybe Rob would have better luck today in his search for some well-fitting smalls.

His underwear collection was now providing more holes than required. Embarrassing smalls annoyed Ron. His patient lover was also annoyed, but that was because he always answered the door to her without them. Sometimes he was just plain old buck naked and others, hardly hiding his pleasure at her arrival.

Rob thought about sex often, he wrote about it, dreamt and remembered it a lot. The remembering was a private matter but the dreams were often highlighting very public outbursts of passion. Actions he wished for and created in his slumber. He wore smalls to bed and his lover thought that might be the reason for his inability to keep only three holes in the luxurious undergarments for long.

So here I am

I’ll try my best to finish the stories I’ve left in limbo and against all sensible advice and recent criticism, find time to write more. The pleasure I find in doing so, far outweighs the ambivalence shown by my keen yet limited audience. I need to share my work further and grab those eyes so desperately measured by the analytic system. Above all though, please enjoy my Short Stories, Rants and Observations. The Me page presents a reasonably believable explanation of my being, while you can find me on social as @acrawfordsaid