A little of this and a bit more

Alan Crawford presents twisted short and some longer stories for adults, with quite a number of his rants and observations as well.

Several curious people, really it’s just one, asked me how or where the ideas came from. Thankfully there’s no clear answer. When the trousers, mind, or weather conditions suit such things, the computer opens, a page appears, and it starts to flow. See menu for the main Short Stories.


It was raining

Reading Time: 4 minutesIt was raining. So much rain that the water seemed to be in a continuous transfer. You could almost see and feel it being sucked up into the air, whilst it’s cousins were dropping down upon you. As the wind moved these heavily rain clogged clouds to other folks further down the coast, the cycle continued. This water up and down cycle seemed to be directly aimed at the human communities below.

The sea saw nothing.

Andy was watching this vertical passing parade from his family room windows. His house was relatively safe, flooded in areas, but thankfully no real damage. Even the dogs were reluctant to go outside. The biggest scariest watch dog, the burglar eating machine was the biggest wouse and didn’t want to get his paws wet. Of course if a bus load of burglars were to arrive, he’d forget this dog grooming requirement and race out growling and barking ready to eat them.

Strangely the bitch didn’t care about dog grooming

She was extra keen to race about splashing, hunting, scarring off burglars, birds, cats and the neighbour’s noisy kids. In fact anything that didn’t belong in our yard, street or within earshot.

Both dogs were sound asleep beside Andy. The bitch was suffering from a cut foot, the dog a sore leg or foot, it was hard to tell. The limping was very dramatic. Both of these anti intrusion devices required medical attention. She wore a small sports sock tied with tape (and plastic bag acting as water proof protection when going outside) and he just required the impossible “keep him quiet. The yard that was so tightly controlled by the dogs was a little worse for wear.

The low points were lakes and the grass was growing as he watched it. The dog’s droppings from last night’s movements were actually floating about in one of the domestic lakes. The birds didn’t seem to care. There was a war of territory going on and some young offspring to defend and train. The bird noise somehow managed to screech over the rain landing on the metal roof noise. The only good thing about this weatherly event was that the neighbours little noisy darlings were trapped inside and quiet as mice. That was nice.

There was one more thing that bothered Andy

Aside from the many other things, and that was the danger of trees or their big mother branches falling onto the fence which would in turn let his burglar catchers out into the unsuspecting world. The distinction between burglars and friend might be difficult for them to comprehend. The impact of their interpretation would be rather troublesome.

Andy wandered about, looked at the BOM site the nicely named acronym for Bureau of Metrology. They kindly posted radar images that scarred the crap out of these human communities. Each time Andy looked it seemed to be getting worse. His recent adventures in the rain this week were OK, but many of the lovelies he worked with seemed a bit reluctant to venture out. The driving was at times very intense. Roads closed and detours to navigate.

“What am I going to do” .. thought Andy. He sat back into his small arse shaped computer seat and looked up some stimulating matters and then yawned a yawn that set the dogs off. Deep sleep broken, the dogs decided that a rain soaked yard toilet action was called for, while Andy went to change the TV channel and found a treat. The Rocky Horror Picture show had just started.

I’m just a sweet Transvestite

Andy was singing that loud and much vigour that the dogs forgot about their ablutions and raced back inside. He hit pause and dried off the soaked and now much lighter dogs. The movie rocked and rolled right on and so did Andy, quoting lines and waiting for his second favourite scene and song.

“Damn it Janet – I love you” .. Andy had been exposed to a major character changing moment when he first saw the Sydney live show with Reg Livermore.

“What charming underclothes you both have … and how forceful you are Brad.”

“You unconventional conventionalists.”

“Don’t dream it, be — it.”

The rain was still on it’s way and while some in the local area were freaking out, Andy sang and soaked up the tremendously camp, funky, ahead of it’s time and very sexy Rocky Horror Picture Show phenomenon. The dogs were satisfied that no-one was threatening the house or it’s occupants and went back to sleep after their much sought after rub down. Both dogs were used to Andy’s loud noises and even louder singing.

It stopped

The cyclone that had caused this vertical transfer of water had been down graded and in all seriousness was very serious further north of where Andy lived. The communities that were hit hardest were on the receiving end of help from all quarters. The damage was considerable considering that two cyclones had hit Australia at the same time. Of course weather is a might strange thing when looked at by a caveman, but not so when studied by experts.

Andy still wondered what exciting things he could do to entertain himself this rain soaked day. The film was going to finish soon and he had hours of potential fun to think about. He returned to the computer and checked what other computerised inside dwellers were up to. Rain soaked or not, maybe they had an idea. Maybe he could watch.

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I'm an increasingly grumpy old fart posting rants, observations and trying to write somewhat twisted short and slightly longer stories for adults. All rights reserved unless otherwise credited © Alan Crawford - 2024

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