The Body in the Basement


Two crimes in the building

Recent Police activities in the building have triggered interest from the local media. There were two issues in the building. First, who was responsible for breaking all of the post boxes open? And the second is the body in the basement.

That first crime was the lessor of the two of course. The second was far more serious as there was a body found wedged between the large Council contracted garbage bins in the basement. To make it worse one bin had a human head on it.

Even though the building’s security system provided images of two seemingly meth addicted bottom feeders riffling through letter boxes, it did not show them stagger anywhere near the basement bins. Who is the body in the basement and who put it there? The following section is a local resident’s interpretation of what occurred. Trish had created a statement for the Police, well worthy of the excitement. 


Trish gives a statement 

I have eyes for the tenant in the unit next door, but during last night’s routine infrared photography session I spotted something else. Another interrupted photography session. The tenant was active, I was keen but then a shape of what seems to be two humans snuck past. They glided through my eye-line. While wiping away sweat and adjusting the lens I smudged my eye makeup.

Who is the body in the basement 

Police needed much more, a precise description of the shapes I witnessed. I had typed out a list for them and it turns out that the young Police Constable lost the list. It was found in the foyer’s bin by the onsite manager and shared amongst the tenants. This is how it ended up on alancrawford.com.au 

  • Maybe both were male
  • One was helping the other
  • They seemed to be muscular and gym regulars, but not clouds
  • They wore dark well fitting pants and very tight shirts.
  • The first one, helping the other, had an obvious skin condition, maybe psoriasis
  • The finger nails of the one being helped were very well groomed and sported black nail polish 
  • Both wore sketchers runner type shoes and both were black with a neon yellow stripe
  • The one helping had received Scalp Micro-pigmentation SMP on the front hairline
  • The helper had a crew cut at a number two level
  • They both looked out of place and seemed terribly nervous
  • The helpee seemed to be in serious discomfort

The Police did not know

They had no need to find out about my habits. Or my passion for the neighbour and the collection of photographs, videos and clothes I had curated. In fact the neighbour rejected me. He once vomited all over my calves and shoes in a lift ride to our floor. The neighbour named Craig later thought it may have been food poisoning, but an excessive amount of drink may have played a part. 

I threw the clothes and shoes away. Thankfully the lift was cleaned by the onsite manager who was suitably thrilled to be called upon to do so at 11pm. Of course I wasn’t in the lift by accident, I spotted the neighbour arrive and planted myself via a surprise pincer movement to try my long lost technique of tagging a partner for fun. Sure my flirting days are long gone. I’m 64 after all and the hapless Craig only just 40.

Intrigued

My detailed observations intruded the Police. They also intrigued the residents for some time. I had to explain the use of her infrared camera and lens options. I made up a tale that I was testing light levels and ratings when I spotted the two individuals. The Police believed me, the residents didn’t seem to. 


What actually happened

It was a mystery. There was the body in the basement. Yes, it was as described by Trish but it was the helper not the helpee, if her description was accurate. The telltale SMP and collar length hair was the key. It was well washed, cut and dried by a salon and not a quick bathroom before going out affair. The mystery was compounded by Police wondering how the helpee who was apparently in serious discomfort, could have removed the head of the helper. 

It sat atop of the bin closet to the hoper that catches the garbage falling down the chute. It was balanced between a can of XXXX beer and a McDonalds hamburger wrapper box. The face had been positioned into a grimace. One eye was closed offering a very morbid wink to the onlookers. The Police scoured each bin and the surrounding area to find a Samurai Sword worthy of an HBO mini series. 

Without any detailed knowledge, other than the description offered by Trish, the Police left the scene. They rang and ordered pizza place for dinner. The residents who knew what had occurred in their basement weren’t much in the mind for food. Trish panicked and packed up her collection of the neighbour’s photo’s, videos and the range of clothing  she’d collected.

Lovers tiff

It transpired that the helper and helpee were lovers that had fallen out in a jealous rage. The waiter at the Thai restaurant downstairs had overstepped the level of customer service. Straight at the helper, who’d responded with too much attention. The helpee was angry as hell and feigned stomach troubles and on departure asked for an immediate scurry to a place where he might evacuate his bowels. 

The helper obliged. With much flourish and influence from alcohol and Quentin Tarantino the helpee loped his lover’s head. He placed it on the bin and chucked his sword. An anniversary gift put to an alternate use. The evening’s events seemed all too surreal.

Well that’s it

The outcome to this bizarre tale is as follows:

  • Trish left the building in disgrace after being caught stealing underwear
  • The helpee was rewarded with 30 years jail
  • The onsite manager married a Police constable that attended the scene
  • The neighbour Craig sold this story to Netflix. 
  • It was titled “The Body in the Basement”.