Texting leads to death

It was very dark. She was very drunk, texting her way down the footpath, she being Daphne failed to see it. The large pole was solid, didn’t move and could only just stand and stare back at Daphne. It had no life aside from its physical form. It was after all, just a pole. We know that texting leads to death.

Daphne fell back and died when she hit the ground. Dead, done – over.

The drunken fellow who happened to be having a wee against another pole, wondered what the noise was. He was making a noise of his own, but it soon finished and splattered the last splots on the bitumen.

He staggered over to Daphne

He looked at her tits, she was one good looking young girl. She wasn’t moving and he noticed that a pool of deep burgundy was slowly spreading out around her beautiful red hair. He though it was red but maybe it wasn’t.

Albert was just finishing his shift as the pumped up little neighbourhood watch patrol blodger and turned the corner as the drunk fell over daphne’s handbag. Of course Albert didn’t know he’d fallen, all he could tell was that the man was writhing about on top of a luckless lady underneath him. Albert drew closer in his Hyundai Getz with the snazzy yellow stickers and yelled at the man.

“Hey – what’s happening here? this ain’t no place to be making out”

Only then when he’d arrived in the glow spot did he see that the luckless girl wasn’t involved in a sexual liaison, she wasn’t moving at all and that blood was pouring out from her head. The drunk had wriggled a little further off the girl by now and collapsed on his back like a breathless, satisfied lover. The steam from his mouth joined the steam off the luckless girl’s blood flow. It then floated closer to the light fixed to the top of the pole that caused this tragedy.

The drunk was shocked in a number of ways

He’d realised as he was falling that this girl was not well. When he landed in the blood puddle he was sure. He heard Albert scream at him and tried to extricate himself from the crumpled position he’d found himself in. It turned out in Court that Albert really did think that this manoeuvring was an attempt at love making. It wasn’t or course, it was only one lifeless body and one senseless soul meeting up on a Saturday night.

Albert whacked the drunken fellow’s head so hard that he broke his new standard issue torch. He also took some rather distasteful photos of Daphne’s bosom and then started kicking the guy while he was collapsed on the ground. All this didn’t help Albert’s case much either.

Drunken stumbling is dangerous and walking into poles is life threatening. So don’t do it, keep your eye on where you’re going, don’t text and walk and when you are forced to become a night time neighbourhood watch patrol person, make sure you don’t jump to conclusions and ruin the rest of your sad useless life.

Albert was given a serious reprimand and sacked, the drunk who’s name was Steven was sent off to rehab. The girl who’s time had come, was burned according to her wishes and her family petitioned the Council to remove the pole, even though it wasn’t their fault.

11 thoughts on “Texting leads to death”

    • you might be right dolor, or you might be very cruel .. i just saw last night that stephen colbert has written a children’s book about a pole. it’s raising money for “us vets” and i’ll have to check it out .. 😉

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