A little of this and a bit more

Alan Crawford presents twisted short and some longer stories for adults, with quite a number of his rants and observations as well.

Several curious people, really it’s just one, asked me how or where the ideas came from. Thankfully there’s no clear answer. When the trousers, mind, or weather conditions suit such things, the computer opens, a page appears, and it starts to flow. See menu for the main Short Stories.


A boring post

Reading Time: 3 minutesHe decided to look around him. He’d document what he saw. William wrote a boring post about the hum drum of a suburban existence. Same old shit that other people have. He’d thought of proclaiming “like normal people”, but he realised that wasn’t true, he was far from what was considered normal. He’d noticed that his surroundings had slowly overtaken his living space, so much that it was dictating his ability to negotiate the space he called home.

William had a hankering for minimalist decor and appearance. His level of possessions had organically grown over a number of years. It had encroached upon his wish for clean, simple clutter free lines. The circumstances were beyond his ultimate control. He had swayed into serious high impact compromise and this dramatic movement pushed him further into the chaos he found himself.

William looked at the writing on the page and suddenly concerned himself as to who would read such a thing. No one really, but the spreading of this blog post may affect some and even anger others. The one angered namely “She who must be obeyed” (the famous Rumple of the Bailey quote) would not read it, but may be told about it. Actually “She” was not like Rumple’s wife at all. The relationship in William’s increasingly cluttered house was unique.

“The blog was not the place to elaborate” … thought William.

Elaborate on what, it would surely be a boring post.

So what do we have around me?

William scanned the room he typed in and his head sunk in shame. Bits of things, dust everywhere, 900 years worth of irrelevant paper work and must keep documents. The room was supposed to be a bedroom but was more like an alcove in a thriving asian supermarket. It was packed with shit from all over the place but offered a small functioning space that allowed William to enjoy his computer, camera and writing tasks.

Sometimes but not often enough he’d escape this space and take some photographs to distract himself from the chaos he lived in. The boring, numbing existence that seems to have no obvious light at the end of the tunnel. The tunnel analogy could be a good one. Although it only had one train and it had long since left the station.

A train

William remembered some of his favourite dad jokes. This silly distraction pleased William but he wondered what else bothered him about his current living arrangements. Should he get right into it, dig deep, reveal all, or keep it light and reasonably vague? Vague he thought. Keep it ridiculous and sprinkle some silly shit throughout. Yes, it would be a boring post.

That’s what he thought he’d do, but the door bell went wild. It frightened him and the dogs. All three bust into action to see who it was at their door. Rarely does anyone actually ring that bell. Visitors weren’t exactly taking numbers at the door. In fact, no bugger ever rung the bell. That’s why the household jumped a foot or two when it went off.

Young man at the gate

It was a tiny little pimply covered young man with a well trained and rehearsed pitch to offer. He’d no luck or good cheer to spread, just some inaccurate bullshit about something or another. William sorted out the barking dogs, got them to stop trying to rip this young man apart and tried to listen. William strained his head and his attached ear over the top of the fence and very quickly pronounced – not interested, thanks.

The man and his sharpened training would not take “no” for an answer, he considered it a “yes”. The exchange between William and the young man stalled when one of the dogs (the large one, who was the same size as the young man) lunged at the hole in the gate. The young man while pursuing a deeper commitment from William had moved closer to the gate.

The arrival of the dog’s snarl, biting action, noise and crashing into the gate set the young man back a few steps. Very quickly actually. William suggested that “no” was the best he’d get today and he should leave. The young man agreed, pulled his positive training together and went straight to the neighbours house, they might say “yes”.

William went back inside

He was leaving the dogs to be satisfied with scaring the burglar away. The computer revealed 2 Facebook messages and 48 emails that required his immediate attention. Once deleted, the keyboard was ready for more revelations. Well not much more as William had given up on the idea and wondered off to get another cigarette and coffee. Not much happening for him but lot’s happening around him it seemed. Clutter and stuff that is, not anything interesting. William hit publish and sat back waiting for the reaction. There wasn’t any as it really was a boring post.

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I'm an increasingly grumpy old fart posting rants, observations and trying to write somewhat twisted short and slightly longer stories for adults. All rights reserved unless otherwise credited © Alan Crawford - 2024

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