A little of this and a bit more

Alan Crawford presents twisted short and some longer stories for adults, with quite a number of his rants and observations as well.

Several curious people, really it’s just one, asked me how or where the ideas came from. Thankfully there’s no clear answer. When the trousers, mind, or weather conditions suit such things, the computer opens, a page appears, and it starts to flow. All designed to promote my nonsense, which may be adult in nature but not necessarily mature.

Very Naughty Frank

Very naughty Frank

Reading Time: 5 minutesCoach Captain Jerry had a headache and yes it was a very bad headache. One he’s had one for what seemed to be months on end. He takes drugs, legal drugs and still struggles to get through a day without needing more. So many things he thinks are causing this physical infirmity. The main one he thought would be the posture difficulties caused by his ever increasing tubby stance and slouching.

Jerry drove a bus, a big bus and it needed a clear head to operate it’s controls. Falling asleep at the wheel wasn’t looked upon favourably by the customers, the Police, his fellow road users and his outrageously annoying boss the very naughty Frank. He was a real shit head and very naughty, he smelt, gambled, chased all the guides about, caught none and regularly enjoyed an adult stress relief massage. The happy ending was his, certainly not the poor masseuse engaged for this terrifying experience. Extras weren’t offered to Frank, there was a limit to what these young ladies could endure. Frank kept trying though, different shops, different ways of asking the same thing. Always the answer was NO. The main one in Hillsdale was his favourite.

Jerry smiled to himself thinking about the very Naughty Frank lying prostrate while some poor lady played with his prostate while jiggling his todger for the required result. Happy is as happy comes. The bus and the headache was on Jerry’s mind as well. For some reason he couldn’t get past this fuck-knuckle in front of him, two cars ahead of him heading home on the motorway. He or she wouldn’t speed up or move over out of the go faster / overtaking lane and had a stretch of cars behind for a kilometre of two. Jerry, being two cars back had a fantastic view of what would soon occur in front of him.

The car

That sat directly behind the clown kept tooting, flashing lights and probably yelled some colourful words at the driver in question with an ever increasing anger and frustration. The middle lane was full but a serious driver could indicate and gently request a “let me in” so the faster fuckers could do just that.

Jerry wondered and worried about his headache and his sore back and his sore private bits and his sore knee and his tender view of life, as he drove down the clogged motorway, Suddenly the clown decided to merge into the middle, but had not requested permission to do so. He / she collided into an innocent driver who then careered further left into the slow lane and smashed into a bus full of naughty school kids screaming at their driver. No wonder Jerry had a headache.

They kept screaming but not at their driver – they swayed off the motorway into the shoulder drainage section at least 10 meters below the road they were navigating comfortably just seconds before. It turned out that only 1 of the 21 on board survived.

Very naughty Frank was wondering

Why Jerry hadn’t yet arrived at the hotel with today’s inbound Korean group. The guide had rung when they left the airport and he was now at least half an hour overdue.

“Where the fuck are you Jerry?” … grunted Frank.

“Well” … replied Jerry in his smarmiest professional voice .. “I’ve been held up by some dickwad on the motor way and they caused a huge pile up that I just managed to get through, I’m 2 minutes away, just rounding the corner into Main Street now.”

“OK, good” … Frank hung up as he saw his new pride and joy come into view and swing around into the hotel forecourt. He stood like some sought of father figure fawning at this swarm of young people pouring out of his bus. Jerry insisted on being in the way and saying his goodbyes while they disembarked and grabbed their luggage. In fact the honeymooners had no idea who this sad man was or why he was greeting the recently wedded brides with such enthusiasm and almost ignoring the grooms.

Frank saved his sleaziest move for Rose the Korean speaking guide. He fancied her above the other guides, but she felt no such fancy. She double stepped and swung around as Frank went in for the kiss. Her honeymooners needed to get checked in, which then allowed her to go home to her flatmate. She needed the love of a man and Ruth her flatmate had found one to join them. She had no time for Frank and his sleazy bullshit. Frank was an expert in local intimate massage programs.

Jerry had a headache

He’d completed his transportation of humans for today and climbed back on board to drive to the depot. Frank neglected to say anything to Jerry and proceeded to annoy the collection of Chinese tourists that started to gather in the foyer. He never stopped. Jerry was pleased to get away unscathed. He headed to the depot to wash the bus, get home and rest his sore head. His other ailments required rest as well. Jerry woke to the phone screaming its fabulous ring tone. It was Frank.

“Jerry, have I woken you?” … I’m in the Police lock up. Can come and pick me up and if you can, please pay my bail?’

“Sure Frank, I’ll be there in 20 minutes, how much is the bail?”

“Thanks mate, 8,000 dollars”

“Fucking hell Frank, what have you done? … oh it doesn’t matter, tell me when I get there.” Jerry could guess how naughty Frank could be.

Jerry was well intrigued, tired, thankfully headache free and his other bits were all working fine as he drove down to the Police lock up. He had a credit card with a high limit and would use that. He walked past a scrum of pubescent journalists gathered about with their under dressed crews waiting outside the lockup.

Jerry was insistent

Some crews picked at their phones like children avoiding vegetables at dinner and others actually looked like they were ready to do their job. One smooth young man actually winked and smiled at Jerry, seemingly wanting to pursue a male on male encounter, or least that was written on the card he gave Jerry as he walked past.

It turned out that Frank had spun a can we get naked line to a Chinese tour guide and not surprisingly got slapped in the face. Frank  later went to one of his adult massage rub and tug places. Frank had money and was in no mood for NO.

He requested certain things, received some, not as many as he wanted and failed to provide others. He went berserk when the business owner demanded money for the sordid hour. Frank thought he deserved free servicing and some R Rated respect. He got none and refused to pay. He also went a bit hard on the front door of the discreet establishment, smashing the shit out of the blinds, the glass door and the fly screen. These items that were once one, but now floated in part, down the carpark as the wind picked them up. The glass just formed a barrier against entry or exit. No one would come there for a while.

It came to a head

He given a 24 month good behaviour probation type of a thing, a stiff warning about rub and tug establishments and a referral to a counselor who could help him with some of his urges. He did very well, expanded his bus fleet, left the passengers and guides alone and didn’t look for any R Rated respect outside of own home. The regulated sex workers who called on him there had the experience to deal with his unpleasant demands, in fact they charged heaps for them.

Jerry struggled with his headaches but gave bussing away, running off the road seemed more and more likely. He found another job and thankfully did not have to deal with Frank at all. He did meet a nice Korean girl and developed a relationship that boarded on normal. Jerry was a happy man. The local adult massage industry were happy as Frank no longer sought his outlet at their outlets.

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I'm an increasingly grumpy old fart posting rants, observations and trying to write somewhat twisted short and slightly longer stories for adults. All rights reserved unless otherwise credited © Alan Crawford - 2024

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