A little of this and a bit more

Alan Crawford presents twisted short and some longer stories for adults, with quite a number of his rants and observations as well.

Several curious people, really it’s just one, asked me how or where the ideas came from. Thankfully there’s no clear answer. When the trousers, mind, or weather conditions suit such things, the computer opens, a page appears, and it starts to flow. See menu for the main Short Stories.


Be Frank in Alansvale

Reading Time: 4 minutesIt can’t be easy, being easy. Loose behaviour and illegal matters often lead to situations best left alone, at least the majority let them be. Alansvale was known for being pretty easy, not pretty but easy. The local gossip was that the two tower building in Alansvale was a hot bed of dubious adult fun. Frank was watching Alansvale. A very naughty Frank.

The lock in, stay at home restrictions had triggered, released, amplified some of these behaviours or maybe it was just that Frank was home and looking out his window. He did that a lot. 

His minor health concerns were also amplified by his continued seating arrangements and zero exercise. The gym he had joined and really started to benefit from had been forced to close, as was just about everything else. 

The buildings that housed Frank’s home was lucky enough to have a substantial car park on ground level outside and two levels of secure space. Frank sat at his computer, listening to some of the 3 odd thousand tracks currently shuffling on his phone. He enjoyed his access to the internet. He often took advantage of the weekly special at Hillsdale Hamburgers and had two juicy burgers delivered.

Sadly Disney had fucked about with their service but everything else was hunky dory. Frank endured the bins emptying outside his door and watched pretty well everything else. Watching was Frank’s second favourite thing, the Guinness ad had it all. “I like to watch” and Frank did. 

When he first moved in

Frank caught the performance of a drug bust / arrest right outside this busy window. Coincidentally right next to the bins. He’d heard an almighty crash and thud followed by some harsh words. As he was getting up to peak out with some discretion, he witnessed a car slamming backside first into a tree. Glass went everywhere.

He then noticed another ram car head first into the front of this now condensed car and realised that two Police officers, in plain clothes, with guns drawn were screaming at the condensed car’s occupant. This fellow was dragged out, splayed out and cuffed. He was then rearranged to sit cross legged with his cuffed hands behind his back. 

Frank continued his ever decreasing discrete observations. After giving it a few minutes he popped his head up and snuck his eye around the window edge and saw loads of counted cash and a sawn off firearm of some sorts. There was also a baggy full of little baby baggies all proudly displayed and being photographed on the condensed car’s front seat. 

The detained gentleman was sitting on the ground in handcuffs and one of the Officers gave him a can of coke. I think he actually asked for some coke. This dramatic arrest was soon over and everyone involved had to sit on their collective. They waited for a van, a tow truck and some other important looking Police. All took their sweet time, Frank had other things to get on with and peaking out the window was inconvenient at that time. 

Prior to this exciting conclusion to just one small part of the drug scene in Alansvale, Frank had also become suspicious of some colourful folks arriving at tower one and pressing the intercom for access. The dress sense and hygiene of these social butterflies was alarming, in fact Frank swore he could smell one group, which is pretty amazing considering he peeks out of level two and the door to tower one is some 200 meters away. 

They all looked like they wanted to get high. Frank didn’t know what floor they went to, the tower only has 7 floors after all, so not too high. These consumers would go upstairs, be doing what ever they do and back down within 5 minutes, not too much chat required.

“Have you got the shit man?”

“Yep … How much, many, type you after?”

“I’ll take 5 man”


That’s it Frank thought

It was all over in five and that included the two lift rides. Job done, money stashed, drugs in the undies and life goes on. The consumers usually jumped straight into their less than roadworthy vehicles and roared out of the car park. This always brought a smile to Frank’s face as the fun stoppers always liked pulling over those who roared out of carparks.

They also liked it when during these interactions they found bags of drugs and utensils.  Frank laughed to himself imagining that the soon to be detainees in these vehicles were a real sight to see, pity they couldn’t. 

The handcuffed man had connection to this industrious chemical enterprise. Frank was told some weeks later that the dealing and the vehicle collision conclusion man was common knowledge to those on the Body Corporate committee. They had been trying to get the tenants evicted for some time. Lucky this free and illegal enterprise wasn’t happening during this current lock down / stay at home requirement.

Another interesting thing

Frank suspects that something else is going on in Alansvale. Prostitution. Frank has noticed a large number of somewhat agitated gentlemen arriving in the car park and after jumping out of their vehicles, jumping straight on their phones. They walk about the car park, like we all do when on the phone but these are very short calls. Lot’s of chat, then they proceed straight to the tower one door and intercom. 

They buzz, wait for a second and then bang they’re in. 

Interestingly Frank’s building security system has not connected the lift operation to the doors, meaning that when you have buzzed your guest into the building you have to ride the lift down and escort your guest back up to your apartment. 

Frank had noticed, because as you rightly observe he’s a nosy, bored out of his brain man with super powers of observation, that these gents, who may be called John, he’s not sure, reappear in just over an hour. They dart out almost running to their cars and then boom, they roar out of the car park. The residents in the retirement home next door that face the car park must be sick of all this roaring.

So in Frank’s imagined satisfying scenario there would be a buzz, a ride down, a ride up, a ride, a ride down and then a ride back up again. Fuck thought Frank. He was amazed that the tower one lift still worked with all that riding up and down. 

These gents looked and smelt better than the consumers though and good luck to them, hurt no-one and were discreet, well as best you could be with Frank around. Remember though, the lock down / stay at home restrictions include the visiting of sexy folk in Alansvale. Frank continued his vigilance and the exercising of his imagination.

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I'm an increasingly grumpy old fart posting rants, observations and trying to write somewhat twisted short and slightly longer stories for adults. All rights reserved unless otherwise credited © Alan Crawford - 2024

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