A little of this and a bit more

Alan Crawford presents twisted short and some longer stories for adults, with quite a number of his rants and observations as well.

Several curious people, really it’s just one, asked me how or where the ideas came from. Thankfully there’s no clear answer. When the trousers, mind, or weather conditions suit such things, the computer opens, a page appears, and it starts to flow. All designed to promote my nonsense, which may be adult in nature but not necessarily mature.

WHO WRITES THIS NONSENSE

Reading Time: 2 minutes

I learned very quickly that when people sought your business, support, or even attention you had to offer a snappy what about me page. So here’s my What About Me page because I write this nonsense.

I have an odd imagination, response, and view of life around me. In 2010 I decided to create a blog tbaoo.com and let some of it out bit by bit. In the beginning, I published a post every day, but that didn’t last of course.

Years later after writing some short and longer stories the site and domain changed to alancrawford.com.au.

As far as my life story – here’s one version

I was born in a mild, caring, newly air-conditioned room at St Leonards – in the Royal North Shore Hospital. I was brought home to a small unit (not Apartment 2204) with my newly burped face and bum. I was born a boy and remain so to this day. Many years later I left school under a cloud of drama and exasperation and started work. It was very smelly being an apprentice butcher and I’ve been lucky to enjoy a number of careers since, sales, music, driving, media, talking, listening and yelling, all sorts of things.

I was drawn to blogging after having both legs removed after an unfortunate skydiving accident. Not only didn’t the chutes open, I bounced for two miles down a lonely country road and ended up lodged into a wasp nest up in a tree. The bites actually brought me back to life and to this day I pay homage to those little bitty things. My legs have been replaced and aside from the odd squeak, I get about fine.

A few years later my right ear was slashed away from my gorgeous head as I tried to defend a young lady at a local shopping centre. As fate would have it, an apprentice butcher had decided he was going to attack his ex-girlfriend. I had to dive in and interfere and for my troubles, he slashed away at my ears. Off they came, one at a time, he got the other one when I turned away (I managed to find one and it was reattached). He laughed something about turning the other cheek, but I couldn’t hear him at the time. I still can’t. I have a hearing aid but she only works Monday to Friday. She doesn’t care, but what about me?

She charges too much to work on weekends, so if you’re observant, you may have noticed that I type a lot more when she’s not around, distracting me with all those unnecessary sounds. With all these difficulties, I’ve still managed to grow up, not enough many would say. I was selected as a candidate for a grumpy old man pin-up in a seniors Australia calendar, I didn’t win but dated the calendar producer for a while. So then, after that rather tense relationship break up I started tbaoo.

It was a random load of silly nonsense, photos, and music. It morphed into this website Alan Crawford. There you go, that’s what about me, now what about you? Have a look at my Answers to the FAQ page.

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I'm an increasingly grumpy old fart posting rants, observations and trying to write somewhat twisted short and slightly longer stories for adults. All rights reserved unless otherwise credited © Alan Crawford - 2024

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