A little of this and a bit more

Alan Crawford presents twisted short and some longer stories for adults, with quite a number of his rants and observations as well.

Several curious people, really it’s just one, asked me how or where the ideas came from. Thankfully there’s no clear answer. When the trousers, mind, or weather conditions suit such things, the computer opens, a page appears, and it starts to flow. All designed to promote my nonsense, which may be adult in nature but not necessarily mature.

10 things you could hate about me

Reading Time: < 1 minuteSometime ago I was given the task to provide 10 things that you’d hate about me. How in the blazes can I do that ? You do love me don’t you ? In fact I hope you do. Now on to this unbelievable notion that there are 10 things you’d hate about me.

1.  I have far too much hair and spend an obscene amount of time removing it.

2. I eat enough food to feed a small welsh village.

3. I have the smallest male appendage you’d think humanly possible, I’ve had to attach a length of string to it, so I can find it when an urgent twinkle is required and that is far too often by the way.

4. I can’t have a discussion without finishing their sentences, hurry the fuck up will you.

5. I’m very good looking in an old, fat, grumpy man kind of way.

6. I can’t stand people who can’t stand me.

7. I’ve been blessed by the Pope, or at least that’s what she said her name was, and that’s what she called that extremely strange and dangerously personal exchange of body fluids.

8. I struggle to concentrate on anything that bores me.

9. I’m bored very easily – just what is this stupid list for anyway.

10. That I won’t pass this list onto anyone else.

So dear reader, it seems that 10 things wasn’t that hard after all.

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I'm an increasingly grumpy old fart posting rants, observations and trying to write somewhat twisted short and slightly longer stories for adults. All rights reserved unless otherwise credited © Alan Crawford - 2024

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Witty Sam
02/10/2011 13:01

I have to admit I love this list. I am all about the love!! I am attracted to the self deprecation thing… or is it defecation… not it’s definitely the first one. I too hate boring things… I guess that makes us intellectuals in the crazy/eccentric/weird group of intellectuals. There should be more people like us so then we wouldn’t be so bored…

02/10/2011 13:46
Reply to  Witty Sam

big cheers sam, self defecating is my best feature and i do wish there were more people like us 🙂

29/09/2011 06:56

It’s hard to hate you when I have similar attributes, particularly numbers 3, 5, and 6. But nice try! <3

29/09/2011 18:26
Reply to  Adriene

you and i need to speak more adriene .. good done 🙂

28/09/2011 23:17

tb you stopped at 10 only….. I was hoping the list would grow longer heheh!

29/09/2011 18:25
Reply to  Savy

no idea what you mean ms yoga .. 😉

28/09/2011 18:18

I don’t think you quite succeeded there – anything that makes you smile, makes you like it and well if it makes you laugh – you’ve no chance. Entertaining as always my dear Tbaoo 😀

28/09/2011 18:43
Reply to  SJ

thanks sj, good to hear, i do try and i am trying . 😉

Christina Majaski
28/09/2011 13:06

HA! I could think of 20 things you’d hate about me. And yes, I do hate that you have too much hair…love the commentluv app btw.

28/09/2011 18:43

big cheers christina .. 🙂

28/09/2011 08:07

another great outpouring of ridiculous – silly man

28/09/2011 18:44
Reply to  sue

warm thanks to my bride for taking the time to reply and test as well 🙂

Rhyme Me a Smile
28/09/2011 03:44

Haha. I don’t think this list worked. It made me like you more! 🙂

28/09/2011 06:19

thank you rachel – that’s lovely 🙂

28/09/2011 00:36

Hey….I have to attach a string to my wee-wee too in order to pee. Small world 🙂

28/09/2011 06:18
Reply to  hansi

even smaller needs .. 😉

Mary Hudak-Colllins
27/09/2011 22:53

LOL! I won’t even go there 🙂

28/09/2011 06:18

it’s safer that way – cheers mary 😉

27/09/2011 20:37

I can’t stand it too


28/09/2011 06:17
Reply to  Alejandro

thanks mr ajg – standing up is far better than falling down 🙂

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