A little of this and a bit more

Alan Crawford presents twisted short and some longer stories for adults, with quite a number of his rants and observations as well.

Several curious people, really it’s just one, asked me how or where the ideas came from. Thankfully there’s no clear answer. When the trousers, mind, or weather conditions suit such things, the computer opens, a page appears, and it starts to flow. All designed to promote my nonsense, which may be adult in nature but not necessarily mature.

Is Alan a narcissist

Reading Time: 4 minutesYou might tell that I’m bored, several signs: looking out the window all the time, cutting my hair, spending 3 hours trimming my sideburns and nasal hair while watching the same movies and tv shows over and over again. I ask myself, is Alan a narcissist? The day doesn’t get any better when I read of a trend or indeed an increase of narcissism amongst the general population.So with this in mind and as I’ve completed my grooming duties, I present a well known test to see if you dear reader could be described as a narcissist. Give it a try and if you “dare” post your score in the comments section.

The test has been copied from USA Today, accessed here: http://www.usatoday.com/news/health/2009-03-16-pinsky-quiz_N.htm

Authors Drew Pinsky and S. Mark Young, a professor of entertainment business at the University of Southern California have studied celebrities and the general population by administering a widely used screening tool called the Narcissistic Personality Inventory (NPI)

A dictionary defines a narcissist as “Excessive or erotic interest in oneself and one’s physical appearance. Psychology extreme selfishness, with a grandiose view of one’s own talents and a craving for admiration, as characterising a personality type”


A. I have a natural talent for influencing people.
B. I am not good at influencing people.


A. Modesty doesn’t become me.
B. I am essentially a modest person.


A. I would do almost anything on a dare.
B. I tend to be a fairly cautious person.


A. When people compliment me I sometimes get embarrassed.
B. I know that I am good because everybody keeps telling me so.


A. The thought of ruling the world frightens the hell out of me.
B. If I ruled the world it would be a better place.


A. I can usually talk my way out of anything.
B. I try to accept the consequences of my behaviour.


A. I prefer to blend in with the crowd.
B. I like to be the centre of attention.


A. I will be a success.
B. I am not too concerned about success.


A. I am no better or worse than most people.
B. I think I am a special person.


A. I am not sure if I would make a good leader.
B. I see myself as a good leader.


A. I am assertive.
B. I wish I were more assertive.


A. I like to have authority over other people.
B. I don’t mind following orders.


A. I find it easy to manipulate people.
B. I don’t like it when I find myself manipulating people.


A. I insist upon getting the respect that is due me.
B. I usually get the respect that I deserve.


A. I don’t particularly like to show off my body.
B. I like to show off my body.


A. I can read people like a book.
B. People are sometimes hard to understand.


A. If I feel competent I am willing to take responsibility for making decisions.
B. I like to take responsibility for making decisions.


A. I just want to be reasonably happy.
B. I want to amount to something in the eyes of the world.


A. My body is nothing special.
B. I like to look at my body.


A. I try not to be a show off.
B. I will usually show off if I get the chance.


A. I always know what I am doing.
B. Sometimes I am not sure of what I am doing.


A. I sometimes depend on people to get things done.
B. I rarely depend on anyone else to get things done.


A. Sometimes I tell good stories.
B. Everybody likes to hear my stories.


A. I expect a great deal from other people.
B. I like to do things for other people.


A. I will never be satisfied until I get all that I deserve.
B. I take my satisfactions as they come.


A. Compliments embarrass me.
B. I like to be complimented.


A. I have a strong will to power.
B. Power for its own sake doesn’t interest me.


A. I don’t care about new fads and fashions.
B. I like to start new fads and fashions.


A. I like to look at myself in the mirror.
B. I am not particularly interested in looking at myself in the mirror.


A. I really like to be the center of attention.
B. It makes me uncomfortable to be the center of attention.


A. I can live my life in any way I want to.
B. People can’t always live their lives in terms of what they want.


A. Being an authority doesn’t mean that much to me.
B. People always seem to recognise my authority.


A. I would prefer to be a leader.
B. It makes little difference to me whether I am a leader or not.


A. I am going to be a great person.
B. I hope I am going to be successful.


A. People sometimes believe what I tell them.
B. I can make anybody believe anything I want them to.


A. I am a born leader.
B. Leadership is a quality that takes a long time to develop.


A. I wish somebody would someday write my biography.
B. I don’t like people to pry into my life for any reason.


A. I get upset when people don’t notice how I look when I go out in public.
B. I don’t mind blending into the crowd when I go out in public.


A. I am more capable than other people.
B. There is a lot that I can learn from other people.


A. I am much like everybody else.
B. I am an extraordinary person.


Assign one point for each response that matches the key.

1, 2 and 3: A
4, 5: B
6: A
7: B
8: A
9, 10: B
11, 12, 13, 14: A
15: B
16: A
17, 18, 19, 20: B
21: A
22, 23: B
24, 25: A
26: B
27: A
28: B
29, 30, 31: A
32: B
33, 34: A
35. B
36, 37, 38, 39: A
40: B

The average score for the general population is 15.3

The average score for celebrities is 17.8

Young says it is important to consider which traits are dominant. For example, an overall score that reflects more points on vanity, entitlement, exhibitionism and exploitiveness is more cause for concern than someone who scores high on authority, self-sufficiency and superiority, he says.

The seven component traits by question:

• Authority: 1, 8, 10, 11, 12, 32, 33, 36

• Self-sufficiency: 17, 21, 22, 31, 34, 39

• Superiority: 4, 9, 26, 37, 40

• Exhibitionism: 2, 3, 7, 20, 28, 30, 38

• Exploitativeness: 6, 13, 16, 23, 35

• Vanity: 15, 19, 29

• Entitlement: 5, 14, 18, 24, 25, 27

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I'm an increasingly grumpy old fart posting rants, observations and trying to write somewhat twisted short and slightly longer stories for adults. All rights reserved unless otherwise credited © Alan Crawford - 2024

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Jessica Mokrzycki
26/04/2011 06:34

My feeble mind shuts down during the “calculating the score” process..it might have to do with watching five kids 6 years and under at the same time lol I dunno..but great post…witty…loved it! 🙂

26/04/2011 15:24

it was a handful of thinking to get it sorted out, the scoring that is.. 😉

26/04/2011 01:27

I achieved a lowly score of four, not sure if thats good or bad or reflects my somewhat lazy nature 😉

26/04/2011 15:23
Reply to  baldychaz

either very lazy or very relaxed .. 😉

25/04/2011 23:33

I am so highly advanced, and so far superior to other humans, that I didn’t even bother to take the test. I knew what the results would be, and they would only confirm my position.

26/04/2011 15:22
Reply to  Hansi

rightly so, mr hansi sir ..

Mary Hudak-Collins
25/04/2011 22:57

I scored 17. Two prominent traits were Authority and Self-Sufficiency! Wow, learn something new about myself all the time:) Fun post tbaoo:)

26/04/2011 15:21

cheers mary .. self sufficiency is a good thing, my feeling entitled maybe not .. 😉

Jessica Brant
25/04/2011 20:32

I got a 26 hummmm I never thought of my self as Superior. lol are you sure this is accurate

26/04/2011 15:20
Reply to  Jessica Brant

i’m not sure, but i think it’s only a guide.. 😉

25/04/2011 15:25

I must be close to dead or something…I got a 6 =)

26/04/2011 15:19
Reply to  Jewell

not dead – just permanently asleep .. 😉

25/04/2011 12:39

well .. oops, far too revealing, i get a score of 18 – 😉

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