A little of this and a bit more

Alan Crawford presents twisted short and some longer stories for adults, with quite a number of his rants and observations as well.

Several curious people, really it’s just one, asked me how or where the ideas came from. Thankfully there’s no clear answer. When the trousers, mind, or weather conditions suit such things, the computer opens, a page appears, and it starts to flow. All designed to promote my nonsense, which may be adult in nature but not necessarily mature.

Politics and an unrelated cat burglar

Reading Time: 3 minutes

As I’ve mentioned before here at tbaoo, you can always depend on the opposition politicians, such as the doctor opposition politician and the stuck one. Today we have politics and an unrelated cat burglar to entertain us.

One candidate (the stuck one) was performing for our voting pleasure on the local news, banging on innocent resident’s doors and squawking to the dumb ass local television news. Yes, the one I mainline Monday to Friday. Update: the stuck one has now retired due to mental illness  concerns, I kid you not.

Bleating that the desalination plant was a major cause of noise pollution and this tremendous opportunity to blast the government could not be missed, it turns out, that the advice given to the stuck one’s office, was overlooked. It wasn’t the plant it was the airport. Well, you can’t be expected to read all the vital info that’s given to you, especially when you are at the side of a road, any road, getting your load of crap off your chest (no gag here move away please) it’s great to see that a complete lack of credibility is not a barrier to your election as a State Member.

The candidate for the northern NSW, did find out that we as the electorate, were concerned with your private life, most importantly when it concerned police and subsequent court action. Shit no worries, we’ll just ignore that won’t we.

Oh by the way, the desalination plant was a reward in my fictional writing given to this fair city by my character Con Flarke, after a heartwarming trip to Dubai, it just seemed at the time to be way beyond a local government’s grasp, budget and responsibility, but that’s my fiction of course.

When I was in Dubai and yes I stayed at the Burj al Arab I didn’t bring back anything other than a need to make more money so I could return. Maybe that’s what I should say about my Con Flarke. The advice I have from water experts and my writing mentor is to flick-pass the asset on the State Government, begrudgingly of course.

Now for some light relief, also recommended by my writing mentor, who insisted I stop going on about boobs. It seems that the world has recently been plagued by light fingered pussy cats, who are stealing clothes and other things from the neighbours.

And another as right clicked and copied from BBC News:

The owners of a cat have reported their pet to the police after it started stealing dozens of knickers and items of underwear from neighbouring gardens. Peter and Birgitt Weismantel adopted 12-year-old Oscar from the Cats Protection charity at Christmas. But as he started to settle in at their home in Gordon Avenue, Southampton, he started bringing home his stolen haul. In recent weeks he has brought home about 70 items leading his owners to inform the police.

Mr Weismantel, 72, said Oscar first started bringing home gardening gloves but quickly moved on to ladies knickers, socks and children’s underwear. As the haul built up his owners became concerned that neighbours would think there was a thief operating in the area so Mr Weismantel contacted police to tell them about his pet’s anti-social behaviour.

“Paying his way” – He said: “When we let him out in the garden he started bringing us back gardening gloves and bits of rubber gloves and then he went up market and started bringing back children’s knickers”

“Then it began to escalate and I telephoned the police as people must have been missing clothes, especially with women’s underwear being taken, but he just doesn’t stop and he’s still doing it now”

“It’s all a bit mysterious. We don’t know where he’s getting the items from because there are no children living near to us so he might be going quite far afield”

“We feel that he is bringing us presents as a token of appreciation, an offer to help pay his way.”

Maggie Roberts, director of veterinary services at Cats Protection, said: “Cats generally bring prey or other items back to the core area of their territory where they feel safe, usually the house for domestic cats.

“This is a natural behaviour that is completely normal and isn’t a cause for concern.”

Well I’m off to check whether my dogs have managed to gather some garments from those at my front door, they often confront people pounding at this popular door, well they always wear such sensible clothes, maybe they have dropped some in fright as they scurry away.

I will present an observation on these persistent door knockers, who have decided that my life is missing their interference, fair enough, here Bingo I have a nice bone for you.

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I'm an increasingly grumpy old fart posting rants, observations and trying to write somewhat twisted short and slightly longer stories for adults. All rights reserved unless otherwise credited © Alan Crawford - 2024

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