A little of this and a bit more

Alan Crawford presents twisted short and some longer stories for adults, with quite a number of his rants and observations as well.

Several curious people, really it’s just one, asked me how or where the ideas came from. Thankfully there’s no clear answer. When the trousers, mind, or weather conditions suit such things, the computer opens, a page appears, and it starts to flow. All designed to promote my nonsense, which may be adult in nature but not necessarily mature.

New Year resolutions for every year

Reading Time: < 1 minuteMy New Year resolutions, no matter what year:

  1. Don’t make promises I can’t keep
  2. Remember to be nice to fools – they can’t help it
  3. Remember to be nice to zealots – even though they can’t be
  4. Always clean up after myself
  5. Do not clean up after others
  6. Don’t get angry
  7. Don’t get even
  8. Be relaxed
  9. Find what it is that actually relaxes me
  10. Get a hobby
  11. Lose weight
  12. Eat properly
  13. Do some fucking exercise
  14. Laugh at my own stupid sense of humour
  15. Understand that next to no-one else finds it funny
  16. Save some money
  17. Stop spending money like a millionaire, or water
  18. Accept the lists aren’t the best way to communicate
  19. Don’t take things so seriously, others don’t
  20. Don’t sweat the small detail ( this one could also be for my bride )
  21. Slow down on the excessive personal grooming
  22. Don’t sweat over the complete lack of personal grooming in others
  23. Understand that being a racist, homophobic slob guts might be the norm
  24. Find out what unaustralian ( insert your country here ) actually means
  25. Discover the meaning of life
  26. Accept the decision of the American people
  27. Re-evaluate my investment portfolio based on that decision
  28. Join in when asked
  29. Remove myself when asked
  30. Don’t do everything everyone asks me to do
  31. Don’t laugh at the misfortune or beliefs of others, even if they are the same thing.
  32. Don’t be alarmed when a doctor sections me after reading this list
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I'm an increasingly grumpy old fart posting rants, observations and trying to write somewhat twisted short and slightly longer stories for adults. All rights reserved unless otherwise credited © Alan Crawford - 2024

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24/03/2012 13:09

This post may seem unAustralian to some, but not to me, since I’m not sure what the term means and would surely disagree if it were explained to me. Making 32 resolutions, some of them clearly incompatible with one another, is a bold maneuver. The odds of keeping at least one are high, Tbaoo.

02/01/2012 03:06

I love what you guys are usually up too. This sort of clever work and reporting! Keep up the great works guys I’ve you guys to my blogroll.

02/01/2012 07:03
Reply to  Elinor

thank you elinor .. welcome 😉

Rachel & Pokey
30/12/2011 11:25

Haha. Nice list! 🙂

30/12/2011 11:40
Reply to  Rachel & Pokey

cheers rachel, all the best for you and your pal pokey . 😉

30/12/2011 10:18

Hi…I am really looking forward to share this post you have here…

30/12/2011 10:24
Reply to  Stephy

so am i stephy .. 😉

29/12/2011 14:18

Great aspirations there sir. I hope that you can adhere to them…I myself have concluded that I am much better off to not set these type of resolutions for myself. Simply because I know I will be disappointed at the end of the year…once again.
I have set a goal of keeping my heart pumping no matter what it takes,that is really all I can commit too!

Good Luck! LOL Have a wonderful New Year.

29/12/2011 15:16
Reply to  jan

thanks jan and the very best back to you .. keep that heart pumping .. 🙂

Eduardo - Como emprender un negocio
Eduardo - Como emprender un negocio
29/12/2011 09:32

Excellent post, but I also believe that without perseverance we could never do anything. Perseverance plays a major role in success.

This value of never giving up and fight for what we want.

Thanks for sharing, Greetings!

La perseverancia como valor

29/12/2011 15:15

cheers eduardo .. we can only try 🙂 i will

29/12/2011 08:00

I especially like # 13, but can’t imagine what type of exercise would improve one’s fucking 🙂

Happy New Year

29/12/2011 08:07
Reply to  Hansi

also well spotted hansi .. 🙂

Tom W
29/12/2011 03:51

I like how you used the 2012 logo from the disaster film 😛 if the doomsday prediction is right then your new year resolutions seem a little bit pointless hehe. I lol’d at number 25… could be a bit difficult that one. good list though.

29/12/2011 08:06
Reply to  Tom W

the end might reveal the meaning .. well spotted tom, cheers .. 🙂

28/12/2011 21:48

I’ve been working on #13 for years now. 😀

29/12/2011 08:05
Reply to  cath

I’ve also been threatening #13, sadly far too many years 😉

Diana Grant
Diana Grant
28/12/2011 21:21

Wow! This is great for a new year’s resolution. Thank you for reminding me Tbaoo… I have to make my own list! Happy Holidays…

29/12/2011 07:53
Reply to  Diana Grant

good luck diana .. i thought i’d post my list early, so others may become enthused .. 😉

28/12/2011 12:25

Great resolutions!

“discover the meaning of life in 2012″…when you discover it, let me in on it too! 🙂

28/12/2011 12:27
Reply to  Jessica

i will jessica .. it’s going to be discovered in march 😉

Anna Romano
Anna Romano
28/12/2011 12:15

I love it , great points 🙂

28/12/2011 12:21
Reply to  Anna Romano

thanks anna .. it will be hard to adhere to, but i’ll try 🙂

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