A little of this and a bit more

Alan Crawford presents twisted short and some longer stories for adults, with quite a number of his rants and observations as well.

Several curious people, really it’s just one, asked me how or where the ideas came from. Thankfully there’s no clear answer. When the trousers, mind, or weather conditions suit such things, the computer opens, a page appears, and it starts to flow. All designed to promote my nonsense, which may be adult in nature but not necessarily mature.

Something for the weekend

Reading Time: 2 minutesI’ve had a haircut, a very nice one which was competently carried out by a friendly Russian man in a local shopping centre. The haircut is a complete change of pace for me and was a bit of shock for the Russian and his boss, I must admit. the Russian asked if I wanted to look like a military man, maybe a marine?  I now need something for the weekend.

Once many years ago, maybe 27 years ago, I shaved my head completely, well I didn’t do it of course, I had a young nymph like hairdresser do it. She and her peers and the rest of the reasonably upmarket salon crowd asked me at least seven times. Do you really want it all off, shaved and baby bum bald, the answer was yes.

They even oiled me up before I left and I think they even took a photograph. I tried to take a photograph of the nymph but was told politely to take my “hair in a bag” and go.

I packed it all up in a bag and took it to a dinner party we were all having for a very close friend. I arrived fashionably late looking fabulous and stood at the edge of the 20 or so friends that had gathered at the birthday bash, I watched, watched and waited.

They looked at me, faces tipping like a little puppy, all quizzical, confused, even to the point of saying who is this hanging about our table with what looks like a beautifully wrapped present. Well, dear reader it took at least 2 minutes, me saying nothing of course, for the penny to drop and so did the jaws. Both dropped big time.

The state of shock, screams of joy, amazement, panic, laughter and abuse ran for the entire night. It was a hoot. The mate couldn’t believe that I had shaved my head, but here it comes dear reader – when the presents were opened, the noise from our table was outrageous.

The waiter even asked if everything was alright, they even asked the smiling bald guy who was laughing the most, that was me of course. The birthday boy opened the beautifully wrapped present and there it was in all its cleanliness, my hair, all of it. In a plastic bag of course.

So mine isn’t as bad as that memorable haircut, but it’s the shaping of whats to come, I’m growing the top and keeping sides close, close so I can catch the action that such a haircut might attract. I’m kidding of course, my bride thinks it looks ridiculous, but there’s one thing I do well and that’s grow hair, so it won’t take long. Action or no action. The title relates to an old english barber expression, when they sold a range of condoms for the gentlemen folk.

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I'm an increasingly grumpy old fart posting rants, observations and trying to write somewhat twisted short and slightly longer stories for adults. All rights reserved unless otherwise credited © Alan Crawford - 2024

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19/03/2012 23:25

Oh my! This haircut looks so familiar.. haha! My boyfriend do have same haircut too! I still love his looks, so manly!

18/03/2012 07:00

That is hilarious that you provided a bag full of your shavings to your friend as a present. I will have to remember that as a wacky gift, especially when they will most expect something serious – just to put a smile on everyone’s faces. Having the shaven head must have added to the hilarity of it all as well.

13/03/2012 15:36

Nicely done, Tbaoo! Takes guts to get your head shaved, and even more guts to make it into a funny story. Fun fact: If you stuff a pin cushion with hair, it keeps needles and pins sharp.

13/03/2012 06:43

My boss lady makes me take my son for a haircut which is cruel to say the least!

12/03/2012 22:50

Hi there! My husband got his hair bald two weeks ago. The thing was, he didn’t shaved all his hair. He let the center (on top of his forehead) of his hair left. Duh! Don’t know what he’s thinking!

12/03/2012 20:25

I have that shaved head haircut every day or two, but do it myself with a Philishave otherwise it would cost me a fortune. Having a few bits of hair on the head is not a good look.

12/03/2012 14:59

I almost got my hair shaved off, but I never had the opportunity to take the hair with me.

12/03/2012 09:05

OMG I am LMAOOOOOOOOO….my hair is butt length..yup right between the cracks….think anyone would notice if I trimmed it up a bit?????? LOLOLOL….As always….XOXOXOXO

11/03/2012 06:19

I am amazed at how you can make a story out of a haircut…lol. Mine is long, waist length, I need to cut it but haven’t the balls. Glad to hear taking the risk has you laughing… As you say it will grow. Randy’s hair is long as well, the only reason I care if he cuts it is he bitches continually when it is short, cause it is always in his eyes. 🙂

11/03/2012 04:01

I’ve never shaved my head… wanted to many times when my hair grew well past my bum. Although it was pretty it wasn’t the most suitable hair style for the hot summer days in Florida. I eventually chopped it off and never really grew it out long again.

Really they’d sell condoms at the barber? HA!! We cut your hair, now let us give you some protection. Cause man this hair cut is really gonna get you some action!! LOL love it!! IF only … Right? 😛

Even if your bride isn’t fond of your do… like you said it will grow out.

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