A little of this and a bit more

Alan Crawford presents twisted short and some longer stories for adults, with quite a number of his rants and observations as well.

Several curious people, really it’s just one, asked me how or where the ideas came from. Thankfully there’s no clear answer. When the trousers, mind, or weather conditions suit such things, the computer opens, a page appears, and it starts to flow. All designed to promote my nonsense, which may be adult in nature but not necessarily mature.

What is my home worth

Reading Time: 2 minutesI’ve been banging on here for some time now and I’ve decided that I like it. I had a few days away for reasons that shall remain unpublished but suffice to say life has an amazing way of bringing us all crashing down to reality, tbaoo normally takes me away from that realm. I recently had the nerve and need to ask a property valuer, what is my home worth?

So much here is a response to silly, annoying, politically stupid, ridiculous opinions and just plain weird shit, combined with great tunes and alarming videos. You’ll notice dear regular reader that when things get a bit maudlin here at tbaoo, retrospective and introspective thoughts just wash out. But a local shithead has really wound my wire.

I had the sheer displeasure of engaging a property valuer, the strangest, rectum sphincter tightened weirdo who somehow instilled guilt and a requirement for my bride and I to apologise to him for daring to own a property that didn’t meet his needs.

We thought when he’d left that this “crapopulous wanker” was the same fellow that had valued our home some 10 years before. He even looked very much like the regularly drunk fuck-knuckle property valuer that I’d taken home many a time on a local club’s courtesy bus, you can read about that wonderful observation of life in “A tale in Lincoln Point

The outcome of that valuation back then and for no apparent reason, this clown made some bizarre comments in the report for the bank’s insurers. He moaned on about our property’s location near a petrol station and the easement running through our property, that severely threatened our ability to refinance. He warned of impending doom, property destruction and violent explosions.

These ridiculous, and as it turned out completely unqualified comments, caused a very angry me to raise all hell at the mortgage insurance office, the valuer’s office and the so called valuer’s association office. The association, a limp bunch of time wasting buffoonsbasically stated that the valuer could say anything they want, without any consequences, to them or the valuer anyway. I didn’t like that then and so now I await the report from our recent valuations.

Even though this man was hired by us, he made us feel uncomfortable in our own home and as I’ve indicated, almost ashamed of our home, the land it sits on and it’s position in the neighbourhood. This idiot even asked what the easement was and what lay behind our block of land. Great research there Freddy, Google maps or just some basic property valuation research would have provided that information prior to arriving. Well fuck him and the ship he sailed in on. I’m working myself up to react boldly and the company will feel the wrath of a well pissed off homeowner.

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I'm an increasingly grumpy old fart posting rants, observations and trying to write somewhat twisted short and slightly longer stories for adults. All rights reserved unless otherwise credited © Alan Crawford - 2024

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Jewell
Jewell
07/04/2019 00:46

Hoooooo boy! I can totally relate to this post! Anything real estate related that I am involved in generally requires that loads of alcohol and the removal of any heavy or sharp objects that I can get my hands on. (( Tbaoo )) Hope you and your lovely, brilliant bride get this worked out!!

tbaoo
07/04/2019 08:41
Reply to  Jewell

thanks jewell .. one way or another, and i agree with you about the real ( unreal ) estate problems 🙂

ElizOF
27/03/2011 19:05

Sounds dreadful and grounds for a lawsuit… Hope you are able to sort it all out. What recourse do you have? Of the legal kind Alan … please I know what you’d like to do. 🙂
Eliz

tbaoo
27/03/2011 19:43
Reply to  ElizOF

cheers elizof .. i’m just preparing myself for the report .. kind of getting angry too soon i know, but hey – i’ve had practice .. 🙂

Grumpy Taylor Hicks
27/03/2011 06:20

So basically this guy’s job description includes making people feel like shit about their homes. Where does one apply for this position?

tbaoo
27/03/2011 08:18

send me your application and i’ll pass it along thanks grumpy ..:)

Hansi
27/03/2011 00:39

Interesting post. I would tend to be in the “fuck him” camp.

tbaoo
27/03/2011 08:18
Reply to  Hansi

hansi i’m with you .. 🙂

Nelieta
26/03/2011 21:57

Dealing with Real Estate is a nightmare and a lot of headaches! You may rant until you feel better, we understand!

tbaoo
27/03/2011 08:17
Reply to  Nelieta

a nightmare i’m exposed to – too often . thanks nelleta 🙂

charlie sadler
26/03/2011 21:15

The joy of people, jumped up jobsworth little shits! my job involves me visiting people in their own home and i show nothing but respect because its their home! Also because i work in the NHS everyone pays my wages (even me i guess). Deep breathing and further ranting should help.

tbaoo
27/03/2011 08:16
Reply to  charlie sadler

great advice, deep breathing and ranting .. 🙂

Larry Lewis
26/03/2011 19:54

In the UK all matters to do with buying and selling houses is done through Estate Agents. Here is an appropriate quote from UK comedian Stephen Fry: “Estate agents. You can’t live with them, you can’t live with them. The first sign of these nasty purulent sores appeared round about 1894. With their jangling keys, nasty suits, revolting beards, moustaches and tinted spectacles, estate agents roam the land causing perturbation and despair. If you try and kill them, you’re put in prison: if you try and talk to them, you vomit. There’s only one thing worse than an estate agent but at least that can be safely lanced, drained and surgically dressed. Estate agents. Love them or loathe them, you’d be mad not to loathe them.”

tbaoo
26/03/2011 19:56
Reply to  Larry Lewis

wow .. i have stephen fry on my blog roll, i love his work in all things and laughed at your quote. thanks for the pleasant distraction .. 🙂 – cheers larry

Marty
26/03/2011 19:39

First time visit here.
Having a good old rant is good for us. I love your turn of phrase and comedic cynicism. Expressing anger in the way you have shows some authenticity to what has happened. Methinks I’ll come back here again to read more.

tbaoo
26/03/2011 19:54
Reply to  Marty

thank you marty .. i appreciate your feedback and return visits .. cheers alan

Jewell
Jewell
26/03/2011 14:28

Hoooooo boy! I can totally relate to this post! Anything real estate related that I am involved in generally requires that loads of alcohol and the removal of any heavy or sharp objects that I can get my hands on. (( Tbaoo )) Hope you and your lovely, brilliant bride get this worked out!!

tbaoo
26/03/2011 15:49
Reply to  Jewell

thanks jewell .. one way or another, and i agree with you about the real ( unreal ) estate problems 🙂

Alejandro
26/03/2011 14:16

Just don’t drive angry! “crapopulous wanker” Brilliant!

A

tbaoo
26/03/2011 15:47
Reply to  Alejandro

no worries about driving mad, but i’ll drive them mad … !!!

Jorie Pacli
26/03/2011 13:32

You are really sounding like a bear with a sore head Alan! I shall hold my tongue now…..hehehe ooppss! (I’m not laughing) 😉

tbaoo
26/03/2011 13:44
Reply to  Jorie Pacli

yes jorie .. i’m getting ready to be an angry bear .. 😉

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