A little of this and a bit more

Alan Crawford presents twisted short and some longer stories for adults, with quite a number of his rants and observations as well.

Several curious people, really it’s just one, asked me how or where the ideas came from. Thankfully there’s no clear answer. When the trousers, mind, or weather conditions suit such things, the computer opens, a page appears, and it starts to flow. All designed to promote my nonsense, which may be adult in nature but not necessarily mature.

Bikini girls dancing

Reading Time: 3 minutesA wondrous occasion as the four participants in the family troupe, traipsed out of the relative calm of an air conditioned hotel lobby out into the wild, sun scorched, blindingly tacky world of the Gold Coast. We saw a few bikini girls dancing. The so called glitter strip has become excruciating in its continual grasping for the tourist dollar.

The weather here has made up for the recent and seemingly never ending monsoon conditions and it was hot. So bleeding hot that my head grew horns just to shade itself, despite the groovy cap I had on. My bride managed to develop some lovely geometric shapes of sunburn upon her person, shoulder, back and neck, although she didn’t grow horns, she did seek out shade. Maybe I could have done that.

Drawn by the steamy, salty and obscenely hot vista, we crushed our way through the grit on the newly surfaced beach promenade and boy it looked enticing, crunching in submission as we walked up to the edge. Being the Gold Coast, the scene was dominated by about 10 scantily clad bikini girls. They were very brief bikinis and they were involved in what looked like a dance routine being rehearsed and filmed by some very serious, black clad film crew. A good choice of colour I thought.

Steady Cam

They even had a steady cam to ensure the only shaking going on was the hips and bits of the bikini girls. the rest of the poached, sunburnt, folding population just sat around and watched the show. Of course the radiation attacking their fragile skin didn’t bother them either.

We sauntered and sautéed ourselves off to show our visitors the Gold Coast’s tacky strip at it’s finest. The stripper convention was in town as per normal and there was some “g rated” street entertainment to distract the mall rats roaming around. We of course, read mewere too distracted by the strippers walking about like they had some serious relaxing to do. Not worrying about having too many layers makes their job easier. I’m joking of course, the strippers were all indoors, they had probably just got to bed, these fancy nubile folk don’t live normal lives or reside within our time zones.

The colours of the Gold Coast become more vibrant the further you get away from the bleaching sand, the glare and salt spray, it just washes over everything. It has a blinding effect that “edge of the land” that really makes the Gold Coast such a tourist mecca, it’s too much for calm hermits like me, who don’t want to bake their exterior surfaces away or boil their eyes, people flock to oil themselves up and bake in such a way.

The strippers do it after work at 06.00 or in the microwave tanning salons. Waxing, primping, burning and sleeping all in one service i’ve heard. They even have a favourite salon called “tips – bits – blips and slips”

Need to rest

So here we were – hot, bothered, happy chatters wandering about a dubious vacation spot looking for rest and of course we ended up in a pub. Cool beers, cider and orange juice for the designated driver i.e. my lovely bride. We think we’ve organised the relaxing of our guests and arranged things around it.

The afternoon rolled on and came to an end. I could hardly walk and I had a splitting headache, while realising that i’d not eaten anything by the time it ended, although it’s not from what you’d think. That light alcohol beer is a truly wonderful thing.

The morning leading up to the clothed baking in public had seen me mowing the high grass in my backyard. It was so high and thick that my 9 year old mower blew up, exploded with the cutting wheel shearing off, flying the buggery away from my legs thankfully and leaving me half done, a bit like when my hair trimmer did the same half way through my buzz cut.

Most difficult to repair that was. So my grass is melting, my body aching and I have to go off and buy new mower. I did and being steel instead of aluminium it weighed twice as much and nearly killed me as I struggled to guide it over the undone and then fix up the done. It looks good now and when I do it again, it’ll look fabulous, well as fabulous as my backyard can be.

So dear reader, I’ve now recovered. I’ve a yearning for relaxation indoors with plenty of food and cool water. I don’t have a need for strippers, dancing bikini clad girls, sand or surf. If you want to enjoy such things, may I suggest that you come to the Gold Coast and have some fun. Fun in the sun. If you want some help in your personal grooming while you’re here make sure you go to “tips – bits – blips and slips” and tell them Alan Crawford sent you.

Website | + posts

I'm an increasingly grumpy old fart posting rants, observations and trying to write somewhat twisted short and slightly longer stories for adults. All rights reserved unless otherwise credited © Alan Crawford - 2024

You might be interested in …

Notify of

Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
14/02/2012 19:06

It looks like you really had a great time.. Thanks for this very interesting post!

Alesia Medas
Alesia Medas
09/02/2012 10:22

Sounds like you are having so much fun lately. By the way there are a lot of girls who can dare to dance while wearing bikini, it is about how confident you are.

09/02/2012 17:11
Reply to  Alesia Medas

i’m confident that there are few here, too many sometimes me thinks 😉 cheers alesia

09/02/2012 05:50

sounds like a lot of fun to me, wish i was there

09/02/2012 16:53
Reply to  Swapnil

hi swapnil – please come to australia for a holiday and make sure you include the gold coast .. 😉

08/02/2012 19:31

This sounds like good fun :p I’ll keep the “tips – bits – blips and slips” tip in mind, thanks for sharing! Michael

09/02/2012 06:33
Reply to  Michael

sharing is my middle name, well actually it’s dangerous … but it sounds good thanks michael 🙂

08/02/2012 14:05

I think this is nice to watch girls wearing bikini while dancing..Thanks for sharing..

09/02/2012 06:31
Reply to  Catherine

cheers catherine, although i wasn’t able to watch much 😉

08/02/2012 01:04

Tsk tsk tsk. *shakes head*. Tbaoo, I fear you may becoming (dare I suggest it?) a bit of a curmudgeon.

08/02/2012 06:51
Reply to  Kara

kara – me thinks you might be right .. i’ve copied this reflection ..

A curmudgeon’s reputation for malevolence is undeserved. They’re neither warped nor evil at heart. They don’t hate mankind, just mankind’s absurdities. They’re just as sensitive and soft-hearted as the next guy, but they hide their vulnerability beneath a crust of misanthropy. They ease the pain by turning hurt into humor. . . . . . They attack maudlinism because it devalues genuine sentiment. . . . . . Nature, having failed to equip them with a servicable denial mechanism, has endowed them with astute perception and sly wit.

Curmudgeons are mockers and debunkers whose bitterness is a symptom rather than a disease. They can’t compromise their standards and can’t manage the suspension of disbelief necessary for feigned cheerfulness. Their awareness is a curse.

Perhaps curmudgeons have gotten a bad rap in the same way that the messenger is blamed for the message: They have the temerity to comment on the human condition without apology. They not only refuse to applaud mediocrity, they howl it down with morose glee. Their versions of the truth unsettle us, and we hold it against them, even though they soften it with humour. – JON WINOKUR


07/02/2012 19:21

I really appreciate that girl who is dancing wearing bikini..Its very fashionable..Thanks for sharing this post to us..

07/02/2012 19:30
Reply to  Melissa

yes melissa – fabulous and fashionable .. cheers 😉

06/02/2012 20:24

Big Sexy was a hit and for good reason. It took a candid look at the fashionable plus size clothing industry and how it affected the lives of the women involved in it.

06/02/2012 20:56
Reply to  Roxanne

ok .. i appreciate your comment, but i’m sorry i don’t understand – cheers roxanne 🙂

06/02/2012 03:42

Boy, if that isn’t paradise then I don’t know what is… dancing girls in bikinis, gotta love that. It’s cold and dark at my latitude and will be so for many more months… I’m going to have close my eyes and imagine I am at the sunny scene you so vividly described 😉

06/02/2012 07:01
Reply to  Dan

thanks dan – it’s going to be 32 here today and i’ll be hiding in the air conditioning ..

06/02/2012 01:17

Sounds like you had too much fun at one time. Happy recovery, you’ll be back to your old self in just a matter of weeks 🙂

06/02/2012 06:36
Reply to  Hansi

thanks hansi .. it’s looking good 😉

05/02/2012 19:06

I hate gardening to sir, electrocuted myself once cutting the grass! I hope you recover swiftly from your exertions. It’s snowing here and all. I can think about now is strippers and sunshine!

06/02/2012 06:35
Reply to  Baldychaz

my job is done .. is that how you lost your hair ?

05/02/2012 10:40

Sounds like my day… out in the hot sun (80 degrees) doing yard work. Really getting into the groove and moving right along, I smell something burning, then I see smoke… coming from the ground errm um from my weed whacker. A spark, another puff of smoke and it died! I had to shower, run get a new one, then come back and finish…

Fun in the sun …. Not!

05/02/2012 12:38
Reply to  debbie

the only thing different is that i had no shower, just raced down to the manly, home handyman professional sweat shop and fitted right in .. 😉

Would love your thoughts, please comment.x