Reading Time: 2 minutesDear reader, please remain seated, of course you are, unless you’re standing on a train, bus, ferry or even in the queue for the loo on an aircraft, you are reading this deliberate outpouring of my deepest darkest secrets. I’m going to number them, for no other reason other than it’s easier for me to keep track of.
Here we go:
- Aching foot, left side or if you’re looking at me, the right side. It gives me jip and sometimes hurts like “hell” no it’s not gout see number 2.
- Gout, I’m told that the pain, which is excruciating, can be described as being similar to a pregnant woman passing a wheelchair.
- My right knee, it’s where the gout appears as well as a big toe. I tore something many years ago and it’s not healed well.
- My fallen arches are also giving me some grief. my entire skeletal frame is out of whack.
- My left shoulder and arm, no it’s not heart related, I’ve had it checked, but shit it’s sore, I can’t wave my arms around like I used to be able to, you should have seen me gesticulating around the place. I always felt very gesticulatory (my favourite word, who knew I could get it into a post).
- My teeth, what’s left of them, they were so good, and so bad and many have gone missing, replaced by wondrous frames and design.
- My nose, well this is a whopper, not just the size but the fact I can’t breath through it. If I was kidnapped and they put a bit of gaffer tape over my mouth I’d die.
- My eyes, well I wear spectacles and seem to require an extra strength every two years.
- My wrist, I smashed it in a motorcycle accident in 1980 odd and it never healed as it should have despite the less than adequate medical attention I was offered.
- My back, spineless sometimes but that’s not what I mean, it’s getting harder to get up without serious moaning on my part.
- Alzheimer’s disease, I think that’s what it is. I can’t remember a freak’n thing.
- I’m getting fatter, belly and chin and it’s frightening.
- Last one I promise, my mental capacity to waffle on, exaggerate, demand attention and combined with obsessive compulsive disorder makes this blogging lark a good fit.
Ok, so there we go, I’ll try and remember some more as time goes by. I’m sorry but who are you ?
I'm an increasingly grumpy old fart posting rants, observations and trying to write somewhat twisted short and slightly longer stories for adults. All rights reserved unless otherwise credited © Alan Crawford - 2024
I have an achy breaky heart if that helps you. But don’t tell him, I just dont think’ll understand. 🙂
it helps a lot tork .. thank you 😉
Alan, I’ve got kissperin and hugstasia fo your pains… Should you want them call me and I’ll come running…hehehehe
cheers jorie – same back at you 😉
Oh dear, dear blogging friend,
I’m so sorry to read about your pain. I just found out when I checked BlogFarm and I pray you’ve come to no harm. I must be reading Dr. Seuss a lot as I’m starting to sound like one of his …plots. 😉
Do hold on my friend and find some humor in your pain and know that we send you good cheer and a get well wishes chain … well, an imaginary healing chain! 🙂
Best,
Eliz
thank you very much elizof .. i do appreciate your good wishes .. 🙂
OUCH, It must be such a pain (no pun intended) to live in pain like that. If I could take your pain away I would:(
thanks Jessica, at last someone who cares .. 🙂
I’ll swap your bad leg and back for my bad neck and shoulder, scrap that you can have my bad elbow and broken collar bone, no scrap that – book a ticket lets go heal in Haiwai 😀
too much fun, it might hurt – thanks for the offer sj … 😉
Sounds like it’s time to trade you in for a newer model. 😉
yes lady e, a common statement at the house of tbaoo ..
Except for the gout, that sounds like every ailment that I’m suffering from too. Except, because I live in the Northern Hemisphere, they are all on the opposite side of the body than yours:)
oh, but i forgot my brain hurts as well .. 😉
My father has had gout for years…oooh, so painful and your joints swell twice your normal size! I’m empathize with your pain. I would go on a roll here about the Chew4Health multi-vitamin, but I won’t because I’m not a pushy person, you can always search the group on fb if interested.
Really Alan, eat more vegies and fresh fruits, don’t drink and drive…oops, meant don’t drink and smoke, don’t do drugs, smile frequently, flirt continuously, and if all else fails…smash a part of your body that isn’t hurting and you will forget about all the other aches and pains for awhile:)
thanks mary .. i have the gout under control now, drugs it’s always the drugs, and i do smile a lot. hang on i’ll go off and whack myself now … cheers
weren’t you living in Paris at one time? I believe I saw or rather heard you ringing a bell at odd hours of the night.
Yes, Now I remember! In Notre Dame! How are you Quasi????
Cheers A
yes, but i’ve lost a few pounds since then .. 😉